How To Ask Questions Without Interrogating Your Date
By Joe Amoia. Posted on .
You’re on a date with a guy and you want to figure out quickly if he is the type of guy you should pursue.
You know from your past experience that you haven’t been the best judge of men and as a result you have wasted precious time on guys who are not right for you.
Would you like to learn how to figure out if a guy is worth pursuing in just a few minutes? Well, there’s only one way to do that…ask him questions. When I say ask him questions I don’t mean you should sit across from him with a clipboard and a list of the top 100 questions you want answers to. That is not an interview, it is an interrogation.
The difference between asking a guy a few questions and interrogating him is the difference between a lightning bug and lightning. One is cute and harmless and the other one will cause major destruction.
The best way to accomplish this is to ask with a natural state of curiosity.For instance let's say you are looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage. A great question that can be worked into the conversation would be: "Hey Bob, where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
If Bob starts talking about his career don't get all frustrated and start trying to force him to give you the answer you are looking for. Because his answer may be more revealing than you realize.
It may give you a good glimpse at who he is and his outlook on life. Does he even have a vision and plan for his future? Or is he a guy who just lives for the now (who wouldn't be ideally suited for a long term commited relationship)?
Now once Bob is done talking about his career aspirations, you can simply ask him "and what about your vision for where you would like to be in a relationship?" If Bob gets freaked out or scared by that question congratulations. You just figured out on just one date that Bob is a commitment phobe and is not looking for anyhting serious.
If however, Bob starts sharing that he would like to be settled down and have a few kids (yes, beleive it or not, some men do want those things!) then you know he would be worth getting to know better.
Allow the guy the opportunity to talk about what is important to him. The more you allow him the space to open up the more he will do so. The second the guy feels you have an agenda and you are interrogating him the quicker he will shut down and retreat into his man cave.
The best first date is one in which you are able to elicit all of the answers you are looking for without the guy even knowing that he was being interviewed.
Give up your agenda of how you expect him to respond and simply listen to his responses. Very often the answers you are looking for are not in the actual words but in the way he communicates.
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