3 Signs You're In A Love-Hate Relationship

When a girl likes a guy, she will put up with a lot. Flaking on phone calls, cancelling plans and even dropping hints that a long-term relationship is not in the cards. Every day, I receive emails from women desperately seeking advice about how to deal with the object of their affection and frustration. While I can give tips and techniques on how to get him to initiate more texts or how to have that relationship talk, the real question here is why do so many women want to be in a relationship with someone who constantly frustrates and disappoints them?

Are you in a love-hate relationship? Let's find out!

1. You only like "the outside." He may be 6'2, drive a Benz and have a wicked cute smile, but he also cancels at the last minute, waits days to call and keeps you on edge at all times. You want him but you also can't stand him and that is because you are smitten with the exterior package he portrays.

Sure, he's good looking, charming and funny but those are all surface-level qualities, and what matters most when deciding to get involved with a man is his core character. Is he a man of his word? Is he someone who puts others first? Does he treat all people with the same respect? Most importantly, how does he make you feel when you're with him?

As I talk about in my book, Was It Something I Said?: The Answer to All Your Dating Dilemmas, these are the more important things to consider, so when you are frustrated by your guy, ask yourself if what's going on here is you love the outside but hate what's inside? Even though you may be wildly attracted to him now, after a few years of being with a man who lacks character, you won't care how cute his butt looks in those jeans. You won't be able to stand the sight of him.

2. He's a prize to be won. You've already invested a few months and although things aren't exactly going well, you'll be damned if you give up and walk away now. But your quest to officially land him has become more about validating yourself than it is about finding true love.

When we get involved with people who are selfish or unreliable (for example) it make us question our worth. It shouldn't, because it's not our fault a guy lacks character but for some reason we tell ourselves that if he liked us more, he'd behave better.

So getting him to change his ways is secretly about regaining our own self-image. If we get him to like us, we think we'll feel confident again. Sadly, however, it's not only a lost cause because a leopard doesn't change his spots but when we put our self-worth in anyone's hands but our own, it will never be safe.

3. You're addicted to "wanting" a relationship. Yes, it is a real addiction just like drugs, alcohol or designer shoe shopping. You can become addicted to wanting a relationship. Therefore you subconsciously pick people who will never give you one and reject people you know want one from you!

After years of riding the relationship roller coaster with men, you've become addicted to the highs and lows. The safe, stable, ground seems boring and uninteresting to you. Unfortunately, real love does not feel like your riding Magic Mountain, so if you keep chasing the "wanting feeling, you'll never get to the real, good stuff.

You can read more about how to handle a guy's hot and cold behavior by reading my new book, or contact me through my website at www.jessmccann.com