3 Things Divorcees Wished They'd Known Pre-Divorce

Statistics tell a sad tale about marriage in America today. Although the divorce rate has dropped slightly in the last two years, first marriages are ending at an alarming rate of 45 to 50 percent, second marriages at a rate of 60 to 67 percent and third marriages fall apart like they have been hit with a wrecking ball at 70 to 73 percent. This makes a very compelling argument for living together after marriage number two. 

What divorced people will not tell you is that most wish they hadn't the first time. 

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If only ...

1. I tried harder and not let my anger get the better of me;

2. I knew what an impact divorce would have on my children, long-term; and

3. I knew how much the divorce would cost ahead of time.

There are no statistics collected regarding those that re-marry their spouce once their anger subsides. Those that do recognize that the love never went away, it was always there under the anger and hurt. 

Those that do not re-marry their spouses often re-marry someone new too quickly, bringing the same issues that plagued them in their previous marriage. Others make several attempts at reconciliation with their ex. We have history with our ex's, holidays and special occasions with our children. Some of it is good and some is not so good.

Wishing for happiness and a happy family often becomes a pipe dream when our divorce grinds on for over a year. We unwittingly make negative comments about our ex's while they are behaving badly. Any negative comments about our spoouse reflects on our children. After all they are a combination of each parent.

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Speaking negatively about the other is never going to help your children, no matter what our spouse is doing. We watch our children in pain, suffering because we allowed our bruised egos to get in the way. Often the issues that came up in our marriage had nothing to do with our spouse, but were more to do with our internal unhappiness and issues involving past associated with our family's dysfunction, imprinting and filters. 

More divorce advice from YourTango:

• Will Men Date Divorced Women?
• Is Divorce Becoming a Luxury?
• 9 Love Lessons I Learned From My Divorce