Life is full of (unpleasant) surprises when it comes to men.
Having sex with a jerk is discouraging. It can ruin your faith in men. A guy can start out charming and come on strong, but just as quickly turn into a jerk and ghost you. So, then, you find yourself asking, "Why did I sleep with him?"
Before you throw in the towel and give up men altogether, here are 3 reasons you had sex with a jerk:
1. You didn't really know him.
Forgive me for stating the obvious, but you didn't take the time to get to know him, despite the initial attraction. People we don't know seem exciting and mysterious because it allows us to project our ideal fantasy on them. Time makes people real; without it, we're left with a mirage.
If you feel that a guy is coming on too fast, there's a reason. He's in a hurry because you're about to experience a hit and run. Men who are serious about you are not in a hurry to have sex with you. They will take the time to get to know you first.
2. Fast sex kills.
Fast sex often takes getting to know someone off the table. It gives you a false sense of intimacy and connection. Courtship and friendship are built before the first lay. Men beg for sex they know they haven't earned and then leave and resent you when they get it.
Men are always way ahead of themselves. They meet you one day and suddenly, they think they're ready to take you on a trip to Hawaii for a week. It's the same with sex. Men think they're ready for it, but they're not. They certainly won't turn down free sex, but the truth is, they can't afford it.
3. Easy come, easy go.
When a man hasn't invested time and energy into courting you, there's nothing for him to connect to in the morning. Instant sex at night leads to instant disappearing in the morning.
Men only value the women they've spent the time to get to know. Otherwise, it's easy come, easy go.
Men need courtship even more than you do. It's during courtship that a man becomes inspired. Your requirements allow him to build with you. When you put this piece into play, the jerks will disappear long before you have sex, and a real man will take the time to make love to you.
This article was originally published at jamesallenhanrahan.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.