Say goodbye once and for all
One of the hardest things to do as a woman (or man for that matter) is to “get over” losing someone. When you’ve opened you mind, heart, your very soul to another human being, it is devastating to find out that your affection, your intentions are not shared. Depending on how long the relationship lasted, it can even be crippling for some. So many of us put our hopes, dreams, our very lives in the fate of a relationship. And when the relationship crumbles so do we.
Some people are able to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and start all over again; maybe not with ease, but after a good cry, several stiff drinks, a couple of good therapy or coaching sessions, they are moving forward with their lives. They’ve gained powerful insights and learned valuable lessons about themselves, and their own brand of relationship pitfalls and they can move on healthier, wiser, complete. The chapter is closed never to reopen again.
And yet others struggle. Not really sure why we can’t get over him. Why it still hurts months later. Why it was so easy for him to move on and why you just can’t seem to do so. Deeper than that, you are angry; angry at him for leaving you, or betraying you, or disappointing you. Deeper still you are sad; it feels like you truly loss someone or something; like someone died or your dream of relationship happiness died. And deepest of all there is fear. What if you never find someone as good as this guy and this guy abandoned you? What if you are doing something wrong and you end up alone? What if this really was the last chance you had at finding happily ever after with a partner?
More than mourning him, you are mourning the death of your dream – the death of happily-ever-after that you built with this person, especially if you were together for some period of time. If you weren’t together for very long, but it still has the flavor of this deep loss, you may be mourning the possibility of happily ever after. Sometimes we meet people and it’s great. It feels like we are definitely headed for something, or somewhere special. Only to be devastated several short months later when hearing him say, those five dreaded words, “You are not the one.” Not that you thought a proposal was around the corner, but break up wasn’t on the horizon either.
Sometimes we can get over the guy, but we can’t quite get past mourning “what never was”, and feel the fear that it “might never be”. And even more challenging is to make the distinction between the two. Am I really busted up over “him,” or am I just broken hearted at the prospect that my dream of partnership and family might never come to past. And for some of us it’s actually both.
More breakup advice from YourTango
- How to Move On From A Painful Breakup
- Three Things To Do After A Breakup
- 5 Signs You're Finally Over Your Ex