Breakup Advice: How To Get Over Your Ex

By , ,

woman moving out boxes after breakup
YourTango Experts provide guidance on how to let go of an ex after a breakup.

If you want to bring new long lasting love into your life you have to make room for it. This means letting go of that relationship you know is not working. If you are fanning a dying flame by playing that special music, ogling online, and revisiting the fantasy just because it's BTN (better than nothing), you are robbing yourself of a new, exciting opportunity. Announcing The First Annual Break Up With Your Ex Day

Every time you go back to the past, you sprinkle that "gotta have more" neurotransmitter, dopamine, on a dead-end relationship, and program yourself for loneliness. Kick the habit; axe the ex! Declare a moratorium on any type of contact, IRL or URL.

Don't kid yourself about being "just friends." Take hold of your brain and your body and STOP! Stop your thoughts every time they move in that dead-end direction. Put a red stop sign everywhere you're apt to digress.

See yourself with the love of your life: happy, fulfilled, passionate. Emblazon this image in your brain and replace any old vision with this new picture of bliss. A few signs you're moving on:

  • You automatically think of the future when you are tempted by the past.
  • You make a purchase to attract your new lover (real or potential), not your old.
  • You notice the attention you are getting from other interested people.

My advice? Put your antennae up: tune in to new and better opportunities. You can make this happen by letting it happen.

Pat Love, Counselor/Therapist

"It's not over with your ex until you stop looking for ways to emotionally connect with them," says Carol Kramer Slepian, an Imago-trained couple's therapist. Imago is one of the leading methods of couples counseling developed by myself and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD. "If you feel blue on your ex-wife's birthday, that's a bad sign," Carol explains, "Along with weeping at that song you shared together, or boring everyone over dinner with tales of their shocking mistreatment of you. Take their name out of your lives. Don't leave it in your phone, or email list, where you keep tripping over it."

According to Hendrix & Hunt, each member of a couple constructs and acts upon a narrative about their relationship that is based on emotional needs deeply embedded from their past. Often those stories conflict, and cause painful conflict. Imago therapy helps you become aware that. If you don't understand the deeper history of the relationship that just failed, chances are you are going to go straight out and find a partner with whom to repeat the painful experiences all over again. Ouch! 20 Shocking Breakup Statistics

Keep Reading....

More Juicy Content from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Imago Relationships

Organization

Imago Relationships International helps couples have the conversations they need to change their lives together.  We've been saving relationships for 30 years, ever since our co-founder Harville Hendrix, PhD wrote the best-seller "Getting The Love You Want".

Today you can find an Imago weekend workshop in 25 countries, or get help from over 1200 Certified Imago therapists.  We give you the communication skills and understanding you need to forge a deeper and more loving connection.

Try our some free relationship help online at www.GettingTheLoveYouWant.com

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: MA
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Advanced Member

Dr. Pat Love

Counselor/Therapist

Pat Love, Ed.D.

Relationship Consultant and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Online: www.patlove.com

Email: pat@patlove.com

Phone: 512-892-5474

Location: Austin, TX
Credentials: EdD, LMFT, LPC
Website: Website
Advanced Member

Orna And Matthew Walters

Relationship Coach

Creating Love On Purpose…not just by accident!

We are Relationship Coaches for Singles who desire LOVE!

Everything in life worth having takes effort. When it comes to matters of the heart we all seem to buy into the idea that it will happen by magic. The truth is that your internal guidance system will continue to create the same dysfunctional relationships over and over again . . . until we make the effort to change our story!

You don't have to settle for just enough! You can have it all! And we are here to show you how.

Gain Access to our FREE Video Training:

"Let Your Heart Rule So You Can

Create the Love You Want"

and recieve

"Love Notes Weekly"

the Creating Love On Purpose Newsletter

 

“Focus On Love – Change Your Life!”

Orna and Matthew Walters, C.Ht.
1-888-774-4263
 

Location: Beverly Hills, CA
Credentials: CHT, Other
Other Articles/News by Imago Relationships, Dr. Pat Love, Orna and Matthew Walters:

Schwarzenegger, Divorce, And An Old Joke About Directions

By

The break-up between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver reached such epic proportions of tragedy this week, that I prefer to start this post with a joke. I was visiting Washington, DC , and got horribly lost. I asked a passer-by directions to the White House. He looked me up and down and finally said "Well, I wouldn't start from ... Read more

How Soon Should I Talk To My Kids About Sex?

By

Is there a perfect time to talk to your kids about sex? How do you know if you're getting through to them when they're already speaking to friends? YourTango Expert, Counselor and Therapist, Pat Love, has the answers in a new video for YourTango. She describes what your conversation should be centered around and gives tips for making sure your ... Read more

Pheromones May Have Less To Do With Attraction Than You Think

By

The science of attraction is constantly proposing theories about why we find each other attractive. Scientists have studied whether symmetry or asymmetry is more attractive (both in bodies and faces), the shapes of our bodies and faces and how that affects attraction, and especially the effect of how we smell. Pheromones, or the chemical secretions we emit ... Read more
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB