Is It Ever OK To Spank Your Kids?
Our expert offers a compelling answer to this long-debated parenting question.
An article recently published by The Telegraph describes some research that concludes it's okay to spank your kids if it's done with affection. This certainly caused a great deal of controversy and outrage. In reality, the risk of this type of discipline is too great, and there are far better and less risky parenting methods than hitting. The folks in favor of hitting like that idea because it's easy and it makes the parents feel good, since they get to act out their frustration in a physical way. But it's bad for kids.
As an aside, I find it interesting that we don't like to call spanking "hitting," which is what it is.
"I hit my kids ... I'm a firm believer in striking my kids ... I hit my kids, but I never break the skin." If you aren't comfortable with any of those phrases, then you might need to ask yourself why it's okay when you call it "swatting," "spanking," "whoopin'" or any other "cute" name?
I've worked with a number of adults and children, and not once has an issue somebody is dealing with come down to a lack of sufficient violence during early childhood. In my work in hypnotherapy, my clients always regress to those experiences that encompass the source of their "problems." Never once has the issue come down to too much love and not enough violence. If that were the case, clients could walk in, I could beat the crap out of them, their inner child would be disciplined and their lives would be problem-free. Keep reading...
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What is much more common is that adults must do the work of healing those patterns from childhood when they learned to operate out of shame, fear and anxiety. Those patterns are never longterm solutions, and they must always be replaced with love and acceptance if we are to continue to grow as adults. Regarding the study above, I have more than one question: What is the life expectancy of those kids? What is their health like? Their marriages? Their children? As teens, I could see that they have learned to "convert" those needs for attachment into more socially acceptable behaviors and self beliefs. I'd love to see the results of this spanking "study" on a longer-term scale.