Having Relationship Trouble? Weigh The Pros & Cons

Wisdom is accepting things for the way they are. It is understanding those ingrained traits in another person that you cannot change. These traits are so hardwired that many may not be upgradable. It is like having an old computer system. It is often cheaper just to buy a new computer than to upgrade it.

Whether for good or bad, nobody is capable of changing us but ourselves. Until we realize this in our hearts and minds, the change, whether in ourselves or someone else, will never happen. The wisdom is in accepting this. Why Kristen Stewart Cheated On Robert Pattinson

When you seek changes in a man, they usually don't occur until his next relationship. You might ask yourself, "Why didn't he do that with me?" We often learn from our former partner and the partner that comes after is the one that benefits. How many times have we seen this phenomenon? You will think, "She is benefiting from all my hard work and time. Why couldn't he have been that way when we were together?"

What often happens is that his fear of losing or failing in the next relationship, wills him to correct his errors from his previous one. The things you say now get ingrained in the present, but take effect in the future. These changes almost always happen with another woman.

Why is it so hard so for men to change while they are in the relationship? Is it because they are stubborn or is it because they believe their relationship will not fail? The Most Important 60 Seconds In Any Relationship

When you are at a crossroads in your relationship and you don't know whether you should stay or leave, the best answer is to make a list of positive and negative aspects of your relationship. When you write it down on paper, it will surely tell the story and the outcome.

More relationship advice from YourTango Experts:

We recommend using the same seven out of ten checklist as a guide. It is described in "When to Sleep with the MOYD." When to have sex with the man you're dating? Seven out of ten is a bit above average, or 70 percent. Use this scale to grade the results.

Factor in the negative traits that you cannot change. Are they deal breakers or not? Then honestly ask yourself this question. Can you work with this deal breaker without eventually going crazy? The answer is either "yes" or "no."

If you go forward with the relationship, you have to be able to accept all of these negatives. This man has developed his behavior over his entire life. It would take a miracle for him to change who he is and become who you want him to be.

In your list of pros and cons, note that some character traits come naturally to the man of your dreams and cannot be learned. For example, either someone is affectionate or he is not. Affection is not something you can learn. Likewise, either you are a clean person or you are not. Either you're lazy or you are not. You are either selfish or unselfish. The Secret Way All Men Want To Be Touched

We call all of these traits "fixed characteristics." They are ingrained in the mainframe of your man. They are hardwired and we believe that they are almost impossible to change. For instance, if the man you are dating is sloppy and you're always on his back about cleaning up after himself, he may temporarily improve as a result of your constant nagging. But, as soon as you are out of sight on that week long business trip, all bets are off and he will soon go back to being the sloppy man he always was.

What you didn't realize is that he changed only to satisfy you. He never really wanted to change. It was just a mask he put on to please you. In the end, he went back to the man he really is.

The only chance for real change is when ...

Having Relationship Trouble? Weigh The Pros & Cons

When having second thoughts about a relationship, write a pros and cons list!

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