Many couples in which one or more partners are struggling with ADHD (Attention Deficity Hyperactivity Disorder) find their sex lives disintegrating. This is because the same ADHD behaviors, compulsions, and coping strategies that send a married couple's relationship into rocky terrain can also get their sex life off track.
Distraction and hyperfocus—that is, being distracted by or intensely focused on things other than one's spouse—is one of the main conflicts of ADHD marriages. The ADHD brain is seeking stimulation, and making plans to romance one's all-too-familiar partner can seem like a tedious process, especially when there is so much interesting stuff on television.
Electronic creens are a romantic-energy suck for ADHD marriages, because without controls or limits, the laptop, tablet, or smartphone replaces close-contact activities which might previously have led to intimate conversations, physical touch, and sex. One solution to combating the effect of distraction on marital sex? Carving out time for "marriage activities:" Breakfast meetings, lunch dates, date nights, and weekend getaways are key commitments to make in ADHD marriages. Agree that physical intimacy of some kind—even holding hands or exchanging foot rubs—will happen during these marriage-enriching activities. For more marriage-building ideas, visit my website at TheLoveLifeCoach.com.
If a computer screen is engrossing, add some people having sex on it and a little ADHD, and it becomes so seductive it can easily become a problem. On one end of the spectrum, there's pornography addiction: Porn use can become such a debilitatingly compulsive behavior that it can lead to job loss, social isolation, and financial meltdown. At the other end is simply problem porn use: a partner's use of pornographic materials becomes a sore spot for their chronically neglected spouse. The solution for porn addiction or compulsion is usually therapy, coaching, or 12-step methods. The solution for problem porn use is an open, honest conversation between partners, in which the neglected partner feels understood and the porn-using partner doesn't feel judged. Agreements can be made to respect each others' privacy, and to attend to each other sexually and romantically. Keep reading...
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