People in relationships get into patterns. Some work well for them and some don't. If you find yourself getting into the same bad places in your relationship, you might want to examine what you are doing to sabotage growth, resolution and intimacy in your relationships. It is easy to blame everyone else but until you look at yourself and take responsibility for fixing your part nothing will change.
Here are the five ways people tend to have learned to deal with problems in relationships that don't work:
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1. Needing To Be Right: If it is more important to you to be right or have the last word than to have a loving and close relationship, this will get in the way for you time after time.
2. Trying To Control Others: When you think you can change the way others act and feel, it's a no win situation. You will be constantly frustrated and the other person will feel judged and put down. This leads to both of you shutting down and no problems solved.
3. Withdrawing: If you don't talk about what's bothering you or leave a discussion without being honest or start doing more things with others, then you have become emotionally unavailable to your partner. Once disengaged you will both feel hurt and rejected and alone and no problems get resolved.
4. Trying To Get Back At The Other Person: If you go by the "You Hurt Me So I Can Hurt You Back" rule chances are you will just create an ongoing battlefield in the relationship. It really is just "Offending From The Victim Position" which is still offending.
5. Saying Everything You Think Or Feel With No Filter: We don't have the right to dump our fears, anger, lust, interpretations, accusations, etc onto others without their permission. We have to respect our own boundaries but we also have to respect those we love. Some people think they have to tell the people they love everything and right away or they aren't really close. Well, not everything we have to say is necessary or important to share and if it's pushing people away you have to ask yourself, "Is this working for me?"
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