The Best Sex Is Yet To Come — What You Didn't Know About Erections


An erection is not always a reflection of arousal.

Erections have been valued more and more since the introduction of the little blue pill.

Since the 90s, with the introduction of PDE5 inhibitors, men have been told that if their penis isn’t erect when necessary, then there's something wrong with them.

Add to this the ease of availability of porn, and the myth is perpetuated. These days even young men feel inadequate because often they can’t hold an erection like a porn star. Many people believe that if his penis is soft, then he's not aroused.

I'd like to call bullsh*t on this. Many men have experienced infinite pleasure and expansive orgasms with soft penises.

Erections are NOT a Measure of your Attractiveness 

Due to the social pressure on men to have an erection, often their lovers believe that their men aren’t turned on if they don’t have an erection. Women explain that when he loses his erection, she dives headlong into her thoughts about her inadequacies.

Sex immediately stops and the situation is treated as though there's something wrong. Would there be far less sexual performance anxiety if men constantly had erections during intimacy?

So many of my clients struggle to understand that sex isn’t about penetration. They become confused when I refer to their intimate times as sex, particularly if they're struggling to have penetrative sex. But I dismiss the notion that penetration is required for sex.

Sex can be enjoyed in a multitude of ways, without ever having to penetrate.

That being said, just because his penis is soft, doesn’t mean that penetration cannot occur. Soft penetration is fairly common, many women claim that they feel far more pleasure once their partner’s penis becomes soft inside of them. If he loses his erection, there's nothing wrong with continuing to enjoy having his penis inside of you.

How to Penetrate with a Soft Penis

Erections are not required for sex to happen. I advise lovers to get to know soft penetration well.

With a lot of lube (or sufficient foreplay to cause lubrication) and a little encouragement, inserting a soft penis is relatively simply.

If a woman simply uses her fingers at the entrance of the vagina as the firm guide for the soft penis to enter, he can easily get inside. Of course it takes practice and dedication, but once you’ve experienced soft cock penetration, you'll instantly feel the benefits.

Advantages of Soft Penis Penetration

If his penis goes soft inside you, rather than thinking there's something wrong, take a moment to enjoy the energy exchange of your genitals. Losing an erection doesn’t mean that he’s no longer enjoying the sensations in his penis, it just means the blood has flowed away.

Getting mindful to the sensations in the genitals, while connecting through eye gazing, can bring about different sensations of pleasure, often ones that haven’t been experienced before.

Our culture has told us that “good sex” means banging away as hard as possible, but bringing some gentleness into the boudoir opens us all up to very different experiences. Many women report that they feel very little inside their vaginas during sex.

Do an experiment; rub the same spot on your inner wrist over and over quite roughly, and see how quickly the numbness or pain ensues. It’s the same in your vagina. Rough, hard and fast banging will less likely keep you aroused than variation in penetration.

Slowing things down and getting really present to yours and your partners genitals can take sex to the next level.

Forget everything you've been told about erections and penetration and explore both curiously.

Stop with the judgment and stories society has made you believe about erections, and enjoy something more. Both men and women need to let go of our social conditioning and understand that sex means much more than erect penises and penetration.


Explore YourTango