By Lauri Loewenberg, Dream Expert and Author for GalTime.com
More from YourTango: The One Thing He Can't Do For You
According to a recent study at the University of Montreal, sex dreams make up about 8 percent of all dreams for both men and women. Society’s openness regarding sex, coupled with our growing interest in understanding dream content has taught us that, surprisingly, sex dreams are rarely about sex at all - no matter how saucy they might be.
It’s important to remember that sex, to your dreaming mind, is not about a physical union you want, but rather a psychological union you need!
The Ex is a very popular character in our naughty dreams. Even though it may be light years since you were with this person, he or she STILL continues to appear in your dreams, bringing those old feelings back to the surface that leave you wondering if you still may be holding a flame.
More from YourTango: How To Get Financially Stable After Divorce
Here is a question from a reader.
I keep having recurring dreams about getting back together with my ex-boyfriend. Sometimes we’re just hanging out and other times it’s downright filthy sex! However, I am married and haven't spoken to him in over 10 years. - Jennifer, 37
Lauri: Was he your first love? Strangely enough, we continue to dream of our first loves, even if we've moved on into a happy marriage. Don't worry, it's not that you want him back, it's that you want what he represents back: excitement, bubbles, passion! You are likely to get these dreams when your marriage gets a little too routine and humdrum, as all marriages do from time to time. Your dream is using your ex to remind you of the passion that is still alive inside of you. These dreams are actually good for you and are alerting you to the fact that the passion department doesn’t want to become a thing of the past. Might be a good idea to get thyself down to Victoria's Secret® and buy something red and lacy.
Jennifer replies: It makes so much sense now. He was my first love. While I was with him, there was lots of excitement and passion. We would do things so spontaneously. And I wasn't as self-conscious as I am now. I can see now that I don't get involved in new things like I did before. You're right; I do need to spice things up, in my life and in my marriage. You've made me see things in a different light.
Jennifer’s marriage, like millions of marriages before hers and millions of marriages yet to be, has become complacent. Complacency is easy because it takes no effort. Like Jennifer, as we settle into the land of Hum Drum while awake, our dreams become restless while we sleep. The dreaming mind doesn’t forget the excitement and thrill from long ago, so it will bring those feelings back to you in the form of the person you first experienced those feelings with. These dreams aren’t about the person, they are about the feelings.