More from YourTango: The One Thing He Can't Do For You
Now that you are divorced or otherwise single, what are you looking for?
You’ve probably been asked that question, or a variation of it, many times, and it’s not always easy to pin down an answer. Most of us can readily identify what we don’t want, but putting a finger on exactly what we’re looking for in a partner and/or a relationship is often a difficult task.
As a relationship expert, I've found that many of our wants come from things that we've experienced in past relationships, or from things we've not experienced but would like to. We hold on to pieces of past relationships that we perceive as “good,” and we tend to drag that baggage into new relationships.
But this type of behavior raises a very important question: Is this fair?
The answer is: not really. It is very important to enter into each new relationship with no preconceived ideas. Try to leave behind your past, and look at the new man in your life with fresh eyes and an open heart. But, that does not mean that you should walk in with heart in your hands, ready to commit.
RELATED 5 Things Men Want Women to Know
Below are three questions that you should ask yourself as you're preparing to start dating again.
More from YourTango: How To Get Financially Stable After Divorce
Question #1- Are you looking for a serious relationship?
If your answer to this question is “yes,” then your approach to dating may be a little different from the tactics used by someone looking for a casual set-up. Ask your new love interest important questions before going on that first date.
Questions such as, “Are you looking to just date or are you looking for a serious relationship?” will help you narrow down your search to a man who has similar relationship goals. Most men will share their intentions, especially if they have been divorced. But there are a few who won't, so always, always trust your instincts.
Question #2- Are you looking to date many different individuals at the same time?
If your answer to this question is “yes,” you’ve set a solid starting point. Make sure to tell anyone you are thinking of dating, that you're not interested in a monogamous relationship at the moment. Explain that you are simply interested in dating and having a good time.
I have found that many of the women I've worked with, as well as some of my friends, believe that an honest approach works best for them. Honesty is an approach that men I've worked with and know appreciate very much. Single and divorced men don't want to waste their time any more than we do. Honesty is really the way to go!
RELATED 5 Signs He'll be Good in Bed
Question #3- Are you simply interested in friends with benefits?