Got sex? Does your relationship need erotic recovery?
By Founder Susan Mayginnes. Posted on .
I was just going over the notes from my interview with Dr. Tammy Nelson, author of Getting the Sex You Want. (You can listen to the entire interview for free by clicking this link http://lifetimeloveaffairsummit.com/series-registration). According to Tammy, after about 10 years of marriage and again after 20 years of marriage people often experience a loss of passion or eros. She points out that often when couples focus so much on the companionship of the relationship, the erotic aspect of the relationship gets lost. We think that if we focus on the companionship, the sex will “just happen.” Yet how many couples have become “great friends” and are now more like roommates than lovers? In fact, Tammy asserts, the opposite is usually what’s true. People focus on the erotic and then…..companionship happens! It’s the passion, the eros that makes couples feel in love.
Right, I muse to myself… I remember my ex-husband’s famous last words to me: “I love you, I just don’t know if I’m in love with you.”
Ha! How many people have heard that famous line?
The eros is why you are attracted to a partner. Let’s face it, the fundamental difference between having a roommate and having a romantic partner is sex!
The Monogamy Revolution
There is a monogamy revolution right now, says Tammy. We live longer lives well into our eighties now and are expected to stay with the same person that we loved and desired in our twenties! There is no precedent in history for how do you manage relationship for this length of time and stay attracted to that same person?
How about that? We are setting precedents for the kind of sex life our children can expect to have as they live well into their later years!
How do we continue to desire someone when they have such a close and consistent presence in our lives for so many years? And stay monogamous, if that’s the rule we want to play by. And most of the people….ahem ahem… the women I’ve spoken with, would like to see that monogamy maintained!
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But did you know that half of all couples will experience an infidelity during the course of their relationship? Think about that people!!! Frightening, isn’t it? Fortunately, Tammy has written a book called The New Monogamy that helps couples really define the game for themselves and really re-look at what monogamy means for them. Tammy is finding that couples are looking for new ways to maintain their relationship over the long term to keep things spicy and yet to maintain that commitment to their relationship.
Erotic Recovery
You can create marital rules that can work for both partners and can sustain the relationship for the long term. Speaking open and honestly about what you really want is primary. For many people it is the dishonesty that breaks the trust through lies or withholds.
