Sex can complicate things. Keep it simple with these six empowering tips.
The time has come. You've met the man, been on a few dates and it's time to take things to the next level. You aren't sure if it was planned or spontaneous, but it happened. You've just had sex for the first time with him and now what? Are you boyfriend girlfriend? Was it good? What should I do next?
These questions and many more may swirl through your head like the tornado that ripped Dorothy from Kansas and landed her in Oz. It's perfectly normal to question yourself. For some, sex is not just an act, it's an intimate exchange of emotions between two people. So, how can you keep your emotions in check as you wait and wonder if this is going somewhere?
- Don't assume sex means commitment. Unless you two have decided to be exclusive, don't make any assumptions. If you are looking for a monogamous relationship, have this conversation before going any further in the bedroom. It's better to know upfront what his position is before finding out later on that you are not the only one he's sleeping with.
- Don't judge the first time. Unless it was mindblowing, don't judge yourself or him. The first time can range anywhere from awkward and clumsy to passionate and powerful. Whatever happened that first night should not set the tone for your future sex life. The closer you get, the better it can be.
- Don't wait for him to text or call. Men are notorious for saying, "I'll call you" and never actually doing it. After intimacy, your emotions may be running high and you may feel vulnerable. Don't wait for a call that may or may not come. Take ownership of your dating destiny. Reach out for him later that day or the next morning if you haven't heard from him. Try not to attack him for not calling. Men react differently to sex. He may think everything is just fine while you've been racking your brain wondering if you will hear from him again.
- Practice safe precautions. You're a smart woman. You know that you both have some sort of sexual history. If you didn't practice safe sex, take the next steps. Get tested, consider emergency contraceptive (if you believe in it) and stock up on condoms for the next encounter. If you are mature enough to enter into a sexual relationship, you should have the sense to be an adult. Don't put yourself at risk for the sake of sex.
- Don't put your life on hold. It is common for your friends, family and hobbies to suddenly take a back seat to your new relationship. Don't break plans with friends or cancel trips to the gym to see him. The person he met was the person who did those things before the deed, continue to do them after. The more you stay true to yourself, the sexier you will be. Schedule time for all the things that matter in your life, including sex.
- Don't confuse sex with love. Sex is an act, love is a feeling. You may think you are in love, you may actually be in love - but having sex doesn't mean he's in love with you. Try not to blend the two together. If you subconsciously believe that having sex means making love, back off until you are sure he feels the same way about you.
- No regrets. Unless he turns out to be a complete cad, try not to have any regrets about the choices you made. You can't take back what has been done but you can make smarter decisions in the future. If he turns out not to be The One, you can use this experience to make different choices with the next person.