You know him. He met you and was instantly smitten. He tells you how beautiful you are incessantly on your dates. He starts talking about how amazing you are even though he barely knows you. He texts, emails or calls a dozen times a day. He acts like you have a future together although you’re pretty sure you don’t know his middle name.
And strangely, despite all this attention – BECAUSE of all this attention – you are immediately turned off. The new guy is a shameless puppy dog, eager for your affection, desperate to win you over to feel as strongly as he does.
More from YourTango: Why Online Dating Works: A Rebuttal
It never works. It’s too easy. It’s too lame. It’s too…something. But the eager guy never earns your respect. All because he was TOO excited about you.
Contrast that with the man whom YOU’VE got a crush on. You have incredible chemistry with him, but you have no idea where you stand.
He tells you that you’re beautiful…when he’s not dating other women.
He sends you text messages…once a week when he wants you to come over.
He treats you amazingly…or at least he did the last time you saw him.
He gives no indication that he wants a future with you, and little indication that he even wants a present with you.
And yet you’re completely smitten with him.
What’s wrong with this picture?
The very qualities that are the MOST indicative of the potential to build a life together – consistency and dedication – are the ones that you value LEAST.
I'm not judging you; as a dating coach, I’m just pointing out what may not be immediately obvious.
What’s most important is not how a guy makes you feel on a date. Sure, it’s great when you’re tipsy and tingling with excitement in anticipation of his kiss. But that feeling is useless if he doesn’t make a consistent effort to see you.
If you want a healthy relationship, literally ALL that matters – is how quickly he follows up to say, “When can I see you again?” Ideally, it's not 7 times in the first hour after your date.
Appreciating his effort doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to be attracted to the stalker-guy. Really. I’m not advocating that you remove the restraining order.
More from YourTango: Online Dating? Make Sure You're On The Same Page
What I am saying is to stop giving a free pass to every cute guy who doesn’t call in a timely fashion…and start valuing the guys who make you feel special with their consistency and kindness.
Clearly, it’s easier said than done.