Why You Should Date Your Complement, Not Your Clone

By

two white sheep in a room
Compatibility should come before common assets and interests.

**Don't miss your chance to chat with Evan on the YourTango Facebook page this Thursday, October 6th at 2pm ET. Find out more about the event and RSVP here!**

Once upon a time, I received a phone call from an entrepreneur who told me that she was going to build the best online dating site ever: Fuego Connect. The problem with dating sites, she said, was that you have to sift through so many people who are nothing like you. Wouldn't it be great to have a website where everyone on the site shared your same passions?

 

So if you were a black diamond skier with a home in Aspen, you'd have access to other wannabe slalom champs. If you had three dogs, you'd find a man who was similarly mad about his pugs. If you were into spirituality, you'd have an all access pass to other men who were seeking nirvana. She wanted to know what I thought and if I'd like to be involved. I told her, point blank, that this was the worst idea of all time.

(Okay, maybe I was slightly more diplomatic, but, knowing me, I probably wasn't.)

The problem with a site that connects people over "passions" is that sharing such interests says nothing about one's ability to forge a 40-year romantic relationship. By extolling the merits of relationships based in gardening or hip-hop music, FuegoConnect would be exacerbating the problem, by bringing people together over superficial hobbies that weren't at all relevant to long-term compatibility. After hundreds of dates, thousands of hours of dating coaching, I've become irrevocably convinced that common interests are the LEAST important element in happy relationships. They are the icing, but they are certainly not the cake.

Teenagers might fall in love because both of them list Belle and Sebastian as their favorite band. Adults, at a certain point, should know better, right? But we don’t.

Jody is a long-distance biker who trains for two hours a day and she wants a man who shares her passion. Not only is that less than 5% of the population, but consider the other characteristics of the long-distance biker — he puts more time into training than he does into relationships. This is why the Wall Street Journal actually wrote an article about "marathon widows" — women who marry men who are more dedicated to their sport than to their families. But hey, at least they have "fitness" in common!

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Evan Marc Katz

Dating Coach

Evan Marc Katz, Dating Coach for Smart, Strong, Successful Women and Your Personal Trainer for Love. Go to my website and get my free eBook: "The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Definitely Making in Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly!"

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Evan Marc Katz:

Why Online Dating Works: A Rebuttal

By

If you're a card-toting, New York Times-reading liberal, like I am you probably get as upset as I do when the GOP spends all its energy trying to repeal Obamacare, based on fictional tropes like "death panels". While Obamacare is an imperfect act, the major ideas behind it are to get 30 million more people affordable health care, and to prevent ... Read more

Online Dating? Make Sure You're On The Same Page

By

You've read all of the dating tips. You put your profile online. You weed out the creepy guys, the poor spellers, the stalkers, the old men, the guys who winked and the guys who give their phone number in the first email. Naturally, you're left with a small core of decent men. You write back to a few. You flirt. You exchange private emails. You talk on ... Read more

Why Would He Never Ask Me Out Again When We Had Chemistry?

By

On the first page of my book, “Why He Disappeared,” I tell a story of my first online date back in the late 90’s. We ate, we drank, we laughed, we got deep, we closed the bar, we made out in the parking lot. And I never saw her again. That was a great lesson in reading too much into a quality first date. Yet millions of women agonize ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular