Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

How To Avoid The BIGGEST Mistake You Make When You Fall MADLY In Love

Photo: weheartit
relationship problem slow down
Love

This turns guys off SO fast!

Relationships can take time, and the one thing you should never underestimate is the importance establishing a steady pace.

If you’re the type of person who meets someone one day and then devotes your entire world to them the next, then you are bound to end up in the friend zone on repeat.

Going from A to Z overnight is like driving through the country at a hundred miles per hour and expecting to see the flowers blooming on the side of the road.

You are bound to miss the small details that will support the foundation of your relationship.

Relationships are all about breathing in the fresh air at a consistent rate. Running at lightning speed to the altar will only get you on hung the fence.

It can take months, if not years sometimes to build a stable and healthy committed partnership. And even then you might have to patch up the cracks in the pavement, as you both will continue to grow as individuals.  

 

Here are 5 quick tips for how to build solidarity in your relationship over time, and keep the pace of your relationship at a healthier, happier speed:

1. Take your foot off the gas pedal.

via GIPHY

With an intense feeling of lust, your hormones will be flowing, your adrenaline pumping and you won’t be able to contain your excitement even if you tried.

Your heart is literally beating out of your chest at the notification of a text message from your new mate. You start to imagine what it would be like to live together...

HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE??

You just met and you want to move in!?

Hmm, time to put this thing in reverse, cause you missed the stop sign back there.

To create a deeper level of connection, you want to begin by focusing on your friendship.

Your friendship is the key to building a respectful, caring bond that will support your lasting love.

By enjoying each other’s company on a friendship level you learn about what your mate’s interests are, how they like their coffee, who their favorite band is, etc. You begin to tap into what makes them unique.

Their personal traits are what attracts you to them on an intimate level beyond sex. This is the just beginning of your budding duo.

 

2. Enjoy the present — there is no better time than now.

Talking about the future of your relationship will have you back to singlehood in no time at all.

Staying in the present moment creates a continuous momentum of fun, and this is the best part of any relationship.

Doing things like sending flirty text messages, planning exciting adventures, and surprising each other with picnics in the park are the fun and impulsive moments that happen at the beginning of a relationship.

These things are also what keep your relationship intriguing, and keep you both wanting more.

If things start to move into the routine of, “What’s for dinner?" after the first few weeks of dating, the sizzle may hit a fizzle.

So take your time to appreciate this exciting phase of your relationship.

There’s nothing better than the present. It’s the essence.

 

3. Connect your head with your heart.

via GIPHY

You feel like you are in love, but you’ve only known each other for a few weeks.

Time to put those heartbeats in sync with your brainwaves.

A mental connection is just as important for the longevity of a relationship, as are your romantic feelings.

In fact, your intellectual bond is what is going to sustain the bumps in the road as this loveship grows. If you and your new mate are unable to compromise and work through any discord, then you may find yourself all alone.

When you take a moment to reflect on what you want and need in a relationship, it has to be more than emotional fireworks.

It’s important you will be able to get your needs met for you to survive in this new relationship.

It can take time to understand someone’s thought process, so you end up on the same love map.

 

4. Have a life.

If you want to keep them intrigued, you must have your own thing going on.

You cannot expect to spend every single day with them. It’s unattractive to be emotionally needy or always available to the point you can’t stand on your own two feet without them.

It can be suffocating to a new mate if you are reliant on them day in and day out.

Having a well-rounded lifestyle will keep them mysteriously attracted to who you are and your story. This will show them you are confident in your own skin and don’t need someone to take care of you.

When you are busy building your own dreams, they will want to go for a joy ride along with you.

You will want to be a compliment to their life and vice versa; thus, building a solid footing together.

 

5. Meet in the middle.

via GIPHY

When you first start dating, you maybe thinking about how your mate is going to benefit you.

Do they take you on the dates that you want? Are they messaging and calling you frequently? Are they physically pleasing you?

These are all dating factors you’re probably contemplating early on.

While having your needs met and finding fulfillment is key to your happiness, relationships are not one-sided.  

 

Relationships are about relating with each other to find a common meeting ground.

Understanding how your new mate operates and communicates will be necessary to entwine your lives.

Interacting with each other one-on-one will tell you what their dating goals are. Each of you may want your own space at times, and the only way to know what each of you needs is to communicate openly and honestly.

Open communication will give you the ability to find balance amongst your different operating styles; thus creating an alignment within the relationship.

When it comes to lasting love, there’s no need to rush it.

If there are mutual feelings towards one another, you have a plenty of time to reach the relationship you desire. It’s crucial to build a firm foundation to support your interests and differences, and the intimate connection you share as a couple.

Relationships are worth the wait ... and in the meantime don’t forget to go have fun!

Jillian and Jan Yuhas are Dating and Relationship Lifestylists who help women and men attract everlasting love. Visit them at Entwined Lifestyle to learn more about how you can attract your mate to date!