Don't Fake An Orgasm EVER Again. (Have The 'Big O' On YOUR Terms!)

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female orgasm

It's time you knew the truth about how female orgasm REALLY works.

You know, it's not surprising that women think a vaginal orgasm is the only way to go. 

Sigmund Freud was the first to lie about female orgasms. He said that the clitoral orgasm was ‘infantile’ and the only 'grown up' orgasm for women was a vaginal climax. (How would he even know, having a penis?) Freud also said any woman who couldn’t have a vaginal orgasm must be 'frigid' (maybe that's because he never touched a woman’s clitoris). 

Freud obviously was not very “in touch” with female sexuality.  

The vaginal orgasm is an illusion!

Ninety-nine percent of women need clitoral stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm.

So, the reality is — if you think you're having an orgasm by pure vaginal intercourse, you're likely getting clitoral stimulation through your clitoral roots or "crus," which are the ‘legs’ of the clitoris inside of the vagina. (Or, more specifically: These roots reach down and under the surface around the opening of the vagina.)


The crus engorges when you're turned on and, for some women, they're close to the surface that you feel extra stimulation during penetrative intercourse.

For some lucky women, if your clitoris is close to your vagina, then certain sex positions during intercourse will pull, tug, and put pressure on the clitoris to help with stimulation. Other women who have a clitoris that is anatomically further away from the vagina can stimulate the clit with a hand, a vibrator, or by rubbing against your partner or the bed during intercourse, leading to indirect clitoral stimulation to climax.

So, are you lying about your orgasm? 


Experts say that 80 percent of women fake orgasm at some point during sex because most women are too nervous to tell their partner what they need to reach orgasm (or don’t even know themselves). 

Also interesting — In a new study at UCLA, men were asked how many minutes of direct clitoral stimulation they thought it took for women to reach orgasm. Most men said “about four minutes.” In reality it takes anywhere from seven to 25 minutes.

But it’s not entirely their fault. If women are faking it after about four minutes, men falsely believe they're doing a good job. Women need to explain to their male partner how to make climax happen or else they're leading guys on with bad information.

Don’t get me wrong — some women can orgasm through vaginal penetration. 

This is because the walls of the vagina close about a third of the way into the vaginal canal during intercourse. If the woman is already stimulated from clitoral orgasm or g-spot stimulation, that can lead to a mind blowing and expanded orgasm. Stimulating the g-spot area (which is an area about an inch or two in on the front side of the vagina) can be a wonderful way for a woman to climax

But, keep in mind the vagina is a complex system of nerve endings, with the clitoris being the greatest area of stimulation on the female body.

So, use your sexual creativity and increase your sexual confidence. Most importantly: Be honest with your partner about what brings you to orgasm. 


Concentrate on your clitoral orgasm, through oral or manual sex. 

After you've climaxed, you may be able to reach a vaginal orgasm more easily. Either way, focus on your pleasure without worrying about how long you last, whether it works, or what kind of orgasm you experience.

Sex should be a pleasurable experience where you can enjoy the moment without stress or pressure. 

To be honest, stress-free PLEASURE is way more important than any orgasm will ever be.

Dr. Tammy Nelson is the author of Getting the Sex You Want as well as The New Monogamy. She can be found at



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