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It's easier than you think.
By Tina Schermer-Sellers
Last updated on Apr 07, 2024
Do you ever wish you had a "happy marriage" cheat sheet? A few easy-to-remember tips that help keep your love strong? In a world that squeezes out fun and crams in more stressful demands, what are the secrets of couples who stay in love and those who fall out of love? In a love and marriage survey of over 8,000 participants over the age of 50, the happiest couples shared these tidbits.
Here are 4 sweet ways happy couples stay blissfully in love:
1. Indulge in PDA regularly
Seventy-three percent of the happiest couples indulge in public displays of affection at least a couple of times per month. Here's a tip, find your inner racy teenager and add some thrill by laying on a juicy kiss at a park or restaurant. Seeing couples display their affection is infectious and generally makes other people happy.
2. Say those three special words
Eighty-five percent say "I love you" at least once a week. Who says it more, men or women? Men! More than 90 percent of men say those three sweet words regularly, while 58 percent of women do. If you truly want to raise the temperature of your love, express your heart often!
3. Keep your kisses steamy
Seventy-four percent of the happiest couples exchange a passionate kiss at least once a week, while 38 percent of dissatisfied couples do not kiss passionately at all anymore. Try deep slow hugs and passionate kisses to release "feel good" brain chemicals and unite you two emotionally. When passionate intentional touch is mutually shared regularly it feels like a deep breath — like coming home.
4. Prioritize alone time
Of the "extremely happy" couples, 88 percent plan regular alone time while 32 percent of disengaged couples say they rarely ever have date nights. The problem is, that couples need time to relax and have fun together. This is the kind of time most couples have together when they fall in love, and it is the nourishment you regularly need to keep that "connected" feeling.
Put together, the happiest couples, say it, show it, and carve out time for it; just like they did when they were dating or first married. What nourished those "feel good" emotions in the beginning can continue to keep you coming back for more. There are many areas of life we put ongoing effort — preparing nutritious food, time to get active, and time with a friend. To keep the love juices flowing — to make more love — you need to act on it publicly and privately, with heart and body. And often! Here's your perfect excuse to focus on more fun and more pleasure. It's doctor's orders!
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Dr. Tina Schermer-Sellers is a therapist, intimacy educator, speaker, and the author of Shameless Parenting: Everything You Need to Raise Shame-free, Confident Kids and Heal Your Shame Too.