It's surprisingly common for women to bestow nicknames to their breasts.
Years ago, Glamour magazine published an article about the surprising number of women who nickname their breasts. Jay Leno couldn't resist joking about it on The Tonight Show: "It's hard enough remembering one name; now when we wake up in the morning we have to remember three," he said.
In a number of online forums, women have shared the names they chose for their breasts—perhaps at a high school sleepover or at summer camp. Occasionally they explained their choices. At other times, as in Dolly Parton's choice of "Shock and Awe," it's obvious.
While sometimes a woman's partner bestows the nickname, it seems more common for the owner of the breasts herself to do so. And while women may refer to their breasts as "their boobs" or "their girls," it's different to give the left breast and right breast a name of their own.
Breast nicknames don't seem to be interchangeable: Women were specific about which name went with the right and which went with the left breast. Here are some of the names my staff and I have come across through the years.
- License and Registration
- Siegfried and Roy
- Bill and Ted: "...because they have excellent adventures."
- Gin and Tonic
- Thelma and Louise
- Tutti and Frutti: "I named them on a trip to a Caribbean island."
- Cheech and Chong
- These Are Not and My Eyes, Buster
- Bogie and Bacall: "Old style, but still a classic pair."
- Lucy and Ethel
- Hoss (left) and Little Joe (right): "I'm slightly larger on the left side."
- Paris and Nicole
- Ben and Jerry: "Once I started eating more ice cream, they started growing, so I figured it was only right. Right now Jerry is being a little poop and not staying in place."
- Bought and Paid For
- Ariel and Jasmine: "That's how my boyfriend refers to them. I have no idea why he named them after Disney princesses."
- Handel and Mozart
- Chip and Dale: "...because I was motioning at the picture of Chip and Dale on my sweatshirt and my friend thought I was talking about my boobs."
- "My boyfriend has a multitude of nicknames for them. Mostly they're made-up superheroes."
- Naughty and Nice: "because one nipple is pierced and the other isn't. Variety is the spice of life, right?"
- Dyan and Pachelbel: "Two great canons."
- Tweety and Sylvester
- Gladys and Ethel: "They have old lady names now. Maybe one day they will graduate to stripper names."
- Itty and Bitty