How A Relationship Is Like An Accordion


How A Relationship Is Like An Accordion [EXPERT]
What musical instrument does your relationship resemble?
Plus: why time spent apart is just as important as time spent together.

Is alternating time together and time apart good for couples? How about emotional highs and lows? Successful couples, with or without marriage, allow their relationship to breathe in and out. They separate and then come close again, and sometimes play loudly and sometimes softly, like an accordion. 5 Secrets Of Happily Married Couples

While they are always attached emotionally, that is, caring about each other, sometimes these healthy-attachment couples will be physically in the same place, eating meals, raising children, and doing shared activities. Shared time refreshes their connection. At other times, however, they will be physically apart, each at separate work sites, enjoying separate friends or doing independent activities.

More from YourTango: How To Fix A Relationship With 7 Simple Tips

Alternation of separate and together time keeps relationships continually revitalized, much like breathing in and breathing out facilitates a steady flow of fresh air to your lungs.

Still, it's important to note that there are risks to in and out movement. Too much time apart can be like too much time holding your breath in between intakes of air; your relationship may suffer a collapse from insufficient togetherness. Too much together time also can overload the relationship. Finding a good balance of "I" and "We" time is essential. 6 Ways To Feel Secure As A Couple

How about ups and downs with emotional roller coasters of depression and/or explosions of anger? While some variability of emotions, like variations in the volume and mood of music, is normal, intense highs and lows pose serious risks to relationships. When one partner is depressed for a long period of time, the relationship is likely to become strained. If one or both is often angry, the anger can corrode their love.

Some couples say that they like the excitement of fighting, especially if it's followed by intense reconnection and love-making. For most though, fighting gradually builds walls between them, brick by brick, battle by battle, making them enemies instead of lovers. All couples have periodic upsets, and that's normal. The key is to handle disagreements with calm talking that results in mutual understanding of how to avoid similar problems in the future.

Escalation into high-pitched battles seldom resolves differences. It only causes war injuries. Better to get skills for communication in relationships when the issues are sensitive, and learn to exit the situation if there's too much heat.

The poet Robert Frost once wrote, "Some say the world will end in fire, some say ice." I say both have their dangers. Aim for a balance of togetherness with time apart so that too much distance doesn't cause your relationship to grow cold. Learn skills for interacting with consistently calm goodwill, lest your partnership becomes consumed by fire. 3 Reasons Why Every Couple Needs A Vacation

More from YourTango: 3 Ways Jealousy Helps A Relationship

To keep your relationship safe from fire and from ice, do check out my relationships skills website. The first three days are free!

More couples advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Susan Heitler, Creator Of "Power Of Two Marriage"


Susan Heitler, Ph.D. and

Location: Denver, CO
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anger Management, Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Dr. Susan Heitler, creator of "Power of Two Marriage":

How To Fix A Relationship With 7 Simple Tips


If you've been feeling frustrated that your relationship is in trouble, don't panic! Getting professional help from a counseling program or therapist may be important eventually, and it's an option you should keep in mind. First though, it's important to try to recharge your battery together. Here are 7 surprisingly effective quick fixes to ... Read more

3 Ways Jealousy Helps A Relationship


Jealousy in a relationship can invite distrust followed by finger-pointing accusations and regrettable arguments. Sound like a recipe for disaster? Yet there also are multiple ways that jealousy can prove to be helpful. Like most family therapists, I regard unpleasant behaviors as solutions. Following the mantra "a symptom is a solution," a ... Read more

Understanding Your Anger & How It Can Hurt Your Relationships


When you're not getting something you want, or getting something that you don't want, anger may surge. Beware, as excessive anger is one of the leading causes of divorce, and can cause significant damage to children, friendships, and work relationships. How effective is your anger control?  What Is Anger? Anger wells up in ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Are You Addicted To Comfort?

Don't be afraid to push the envelope—you'll achieve greater happiness.

Woman Weighing Herself

How to Lose Weight Without Dieting

10 Steps to integrating mindful eating- find peace, calmness and sanity around food and in your body


The Ties that Bind

The NEW D/s dynamic and its power to conquer your fears.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>