The are three, tiny but strong words that can kill any relationship. Be sure you know these words. Otherwise, they can sneak in and contaminate even the most potent love. Hard Work Ahead: Are Relationships Really Worthwhile?
1. But. The word but, at the beginning or in the middle of a sentence, deletes whatever came before. It's works like an eraser, a backspace delete key or a subtraction sign. Whatever came before gets erased, deleted and taken away.
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But is what people say when they are defensive. "I'd be glad to try, but…" The but deleted the information that came before it.
We enjoy talking to people who listen to learn and add to what they say. But substitutes your own thoughts for others'. Therefore, train yourself to replace but with and or and, at the same time.
2. Not. The word not, even when it's hiddlen in contraction form (isn't, won't, haven't, etc), is a downer. The more nots you use, the more negative you sound.
Notice the different feeling created by "I'm not going with you" versus "I'm staying home today." Which would you prefer to hear?
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Flip the sentence so that instead of saying what isn't you are saying what is. Flip don't likes to would like tos. Fortunately, with nots you get a second chance. If you hear yourself having said a not, especially in a statement of preferences like a don’t like or don’t want, just add the positive. 5 Ways We Sabotage Our Relationships
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