Might As Well Face It: Telltale Signs Of Love Addiction


Rihanna & Chris Brown
YourTango Expert Susan Campbell offers sound advice to Rihanna and women like her.

Relationship addiction might be called "the hidden epidemic." You could be a love or relationship addict without even knowing it because your symptoms are only triggered by a certain type of person. You might be a sucker for the mysterious, silent, withholding type or the demanding, controlling type or the impulse-driven, pleasure seeker. If you have ever thought, 'this relationship is not good for me but I can't keep myself from going back,' it might be time to recognize you're addicted to love.

I was inspired to write this article after reading about the highly publicized romance between superstars Chris Brown and Rihanna. As I read about their on-again-off-again relationship and their public feuds, including his beating and bruising her several years ago, I can't help but think about so many other young romantics who, in seeking true love, find only a dramatization of their inner conflicts.

If I were to counsel these young lovers, I would start by asking them to look honestly at the value and purpose of relationships in their lives: What need or value does this relationship serve for you? Are you in it because of the amazing chemistry? Are you in this relationship to avoid being alone? Or would you like a relationship that inspires you to be the best person you can be … or one where you feel safe enough to be vulnerable so you can heal and grow?

Many of us, when seeking a meaningful relationship, forget to ask these basic questions. We think it should all come naturally if we're really in love. Well, if this is your belief, I have bad news — not everyone who feels like your soulmate is right for you. Maybe they lack the basic communication skills needed to negotiate differing needs and expectations. If you are with someone who gets so threatened by the fact you sometimes want one thing while he wants a different thing — so threatened he will harass you or even threaten you until you agree, this relationship is not going to be good for you.

Take the following Love Addict Quiz. It will help you start paying more attention to any tendency you might have for getting into unhealthy relationships.

1. Are you in a break up and then make up cycle with a romantic partner?
2. Do you often think to yourself that this person is not good for you?
3. Do any of your close friends tell you that this person is not good for you?
4. After you two have been apart for a few days, do you get to a point where you feel empty or lost without this person?
5. During the days immediately following a breakup with this person, do you experience difficulty sleeping, eating, or carrying out other self-care activities?
6. Do you need emotional intensity in order to feel alive?
7. Do you feel "high" when the two of you re-connect after a fight or a falling out? Keep reading ...

More on abusive relationships from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Susan Campbell

Relationship Coach

Susan Campbell, Ph.D.

Relationship Coach



Location: Sebastopol, CA
Credentials: MA, PhD
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