Slow Sex, and the art of eating a tomato


"I bit in and I understood. Rich, earthy, dense. It was not possible to eat it quickly."


Not far into her book Slow Sex:  The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, Nicole Daedone recounts the story of the first time she ever tasted a home-grown heirloom tomato. She was ten years old, and recalls that she'd previously known tomatoes only as things to be sliced and put on a plate. But this was different --


"I bit in and I understood. Rich, earthy, dense. The taste of minerals. . . It was as if this tomato had a built-in speed limit. It was not possible to eat it quickly and forget about it."   It was the first she'd known of tomatoes "that begged to be really tasted -- that asked you to plug into them with all your attention and all of your senses. Tomatoes that offered the richness of the earth and sky in return."

. . . Doesn't take much imagination to see where one might apply this to sex, does it?


One rainy Friday afternoon in mid-summer, I went to speak with Daedone, who was visiting New York City to lead a series of sexuality workshops. A former professor of semantics, Daedone now devotes herself full-time to teaching what must be one of the world’s oddest sex practices.

At Daedone’s OneTaste center in San Francisco, and at the many workshops she conducts around the country, women gather together to cultivate sexual mindfulness while receiving direct clitoral stimulation – each woman from a partner. Fifteen minutes per group session, no more and no less.

Not to achieve sexual climax necessarily, although that sometimes happens. Rather, just to practice sexual attention for its own sake. Giving this gift of the earth and sky the respect it deserves.

It’s a technique Daedone herself has practiced for many years. It’s definitely not mainstream sex therapy. But it’s not entirely alien to it in spirit either. As she writes in her book -- “You don’t know where you’re going and the results aren’t guaranteed. You open yourself, and the answers come through you.”

In subsequent blog articles, I’ll share with you some of my conversation with Nicole about what happens when someone commits to practicing sexual attention for its own sake.

It's pretty dreamy stuff. At least by the standards of my 21st century Manhattan, where we don't do anything slow anymore.  But for me, if someone says they've spent many years learning to taste the richness of the earth and sky -- I for one am going to listen.

So let's see what this is all about.   Next time.


Copyright © Stephen Snyder, MD 2012   New York City


Article contributed by
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Dr. Stephen Snyder


Copyright Stephen Snyder, MD

Dr Snyder is a New York City sex + relationship therapist, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Mt Sinai School of Medicine, and a New York Magazine Best Doctor.  Be sure to follow Dr Snyder on Google+ and Twitter

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: MD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Stephen Snyder:

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