Why You Shouldn't Have Sex Over The Holidays


Why You Shouldn't Have Sex Over The Holidays [EXPERT]
A little smooch will do.
5 reasons to keep your love life PG this holiday season despite temptation.

According to the calendar, it's time for all of us to be of good cheer. According to the media (and peer pressure and our own internal pressure), it's also apparently time to have great sex, and plenty of it.

This month, magazines, blogs, and talk shows are full of advice about how to make your sweetheart, friend-with-benefits, or upcoming one-night wonder explode with pleasure. Sexual Intelligence suggests the opposite approach: that sex during the holidays may not be such a great idea. Here are five reasons why.

More from YourTango: What Do People Want To Know About Sex?

1. You've been drinking. Four centuries ago, Shakespeare wisely noted that alcohol "inflames the desire, but dulls the ability." That's true for women as well as men. Alcohol slows down our reflexes—which include arousal and orgasm. It undermines our decision-making which includes choice of partner, choice of place, and choice of activity. It also discourages meaningful conversation about, say, who has an STD, or who's married, or what two people previously agreed isn’t a good idea.

2. You don't have your birth control handy. You forgot your birth control pills, or you each thought the other was bringing condoms, or your diaphragm is in the suitcase the airlines seem to have lost. In such a situation, it’s tempting to play baby roulette—after all, you got away with it once or twice last year, and your period's not that far off, and this is a great opportunity for an adventure, and…

"One thing led to another," my patients tell me every January. "I decided to take a foolish risk" is generally more accurate. And more painful to admit, I know.

3. You're cranky. Your family is treating you like a kid, or Uncle Matt is acting like a kid, or people want to know why you don't have a kid. Then, you get cranky, and everyone wonders why. Or worse, everyone tells you why—which makes it worse.

More from YourTango: Symptoms of Sex Addiction? No

Starting sex when you're short-tempered, or feeling misunderstood or alone, isn’t a good idea. All it takes is one little frustration—your partner leans on your hair, or gets a foot cramp, or accidentally tickles you—and you’re throwing up your hands and snarling “look, just forget it."

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Marty Klein


Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist.

In his award-winning books lectures, newsletter, and therapy, he helps men & women understand and accept themselves and their sexuality, reducing their feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and isolation.

Dr. Klein's new book is Sexual Intelligence. Psychology Today says, "Read this book if you want to improve your sex life." To connect with Dr. Klein, see his provocative newsletter.

Location: Palo Alto, CA
Credentials: MFT, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Dr. Marty Klein:

What Do People Want To Know About Sex?


What do people want to know about sex? At the invitation of, I just spent the day on a panel with four other sexuality professionals. Our mission? List some of the most common questions about sex — and answer them. We pretty much agreed on the sexual topics people want to know more about: desire, pornography, cheating, male-female ... Read more

Symptoms of Sex Addiction? No


Maybe you think about sex a lot, maybe all the time. Perhaps you masturbate every day, and maybe you do it with lots of pornography. Maybe you want sex more than your partner—a lot more. Perhaps you wish your partner were more sexually adventurous. Maybe you make terrible decisions about sex. Maybe you take risks, and in the process maybe you've ... Read more

Emotional Intimacy: How Being Vulnerable Can Lead To Red-Hot Sex


Want better sex? Of course you do. Instead of reaching for a blindfold, a porn video or a cocktail (not that there's anything wrong with those things), how about something less tangible and more effective: enhancing the emotional intimacy in your sexual relationship? As a therapist, I think of intimacy as your willingness to be yourself — to be ... Read more

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