Another 9 Things I Wish I Learned In Sex Ed—Part 3 of 4

Sex

Other than sex ed from The Silent Scream, what else is there to learn about sex and sexuality?

I was probably 11 or 12 when I watched a video called “The Silent Scream” in primary school (or grade school in the U.S.). It is a documentary video which depicts the abortion process via ultrasound and shows an abortion taking place in the uterus. During the abortion process, the presenter dramatically paused the video as the 11-week fetus opens its mouth in the uterus – in what appeared to be an outcry of pain and discomfort – and went, “There, there, there is the silent scream!”

Satisfied that we are considerably traumatized, we were each left with a silver collar pin moulded after the feet of an 11-week fetus to remind us of the consequences if we were to have sex. From what I hear, generations of students have watched this video in Singapore. This singular video was my only form of sex-ed I can remember in primary school.

Here are the nine more things that I wish I learned in sex-ed as a teenager. You can read part 1, part 2  and part 4 here.

  1. All these things your doctor or parents told you is all is true: watch your diet, exercise regularly, drink less, stop smoking, and take time to pamper yourself. Your ability to enjoy your sexuality is in direct correlation with your general health.
  2. You do not end up with a shorter life, go blind, or develop hairy palms from performing masturbation. There are lots of nice alternative names for masturbation such as self-love, self-pleasuring, or even solo- sex which you can choose to use.
  3. If you are unable to achieve an orgasm by yourself, you are less likely to be able to have an orgasm with a partner. Understanding your own body through masturbation is a great way to express your sexuality, to relieve stress, and to sleep better.
  4. Most women (70 – 80%) can only attain an orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Only about 10 to 20% of women can reach an orgasm through vaginal penetration. An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. There is no good or bad way to receive an orgasm, so just enjoy!
  5. Because men experience the start of their orgasm and ejaculation contractions within a fraction of a second, it is often misunderstood (even by the media) as one and the same thing. In reality, men can orgasm without ejaculating, and men can also ejaculate without an orgasm.
  6. Yes, there is such a thing called the female G-spot. There is also the male G-spot, and E-spot (where arousal happens as the ear is being cleaned!). It is also true that some women can ejaculate and it is not pee though it may contain traces of urine. Instead of being stuck on locating “spots,” what is most important is that you are experiencing pleasure and enjoying yourself during sex.
  7. While the mass media uses sexualized images of men and women to sell their products and services, the people depicted do not represent how the rest of the population actually looks. Rather than be fixated with weight, focus on health. Instead of getting caught up with looking like a model, concern yourself with the beauty you hold within and let it shin through. It will serve you well.
  8. While porn always ends with the male orgasm, sex in real life does not need to end that way. The goal of sex should not be the orgasm. Either or both or neither one of you might “cum” in any given sexual encounter and that is alright!
  9. While watching porn, it is important to remember that they are actors portraying what most people fantasize about, not what actually happens in most people’s sex lives. That aside, we can be sexually stimulated by a wide variety of music, art, pictures, movies, stories, etc. and it is not at all weird if you do too.

What are your thoughts of this list? Check out part 1, part 2 and part 4 here.


Dr Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia and beyond. For more, visit www.ErosCoaching.com.

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