The only sexuality education I received in secondary school (or high school in the U.S.) was in the form of annual school talks presented by pharmaceutical companies promoting sanitary pads or tampons (depending where they were from). The boys got to first jeer at us, as they went out to play in the sun. We, the young ladies, had the burden of listening to instruction on menstruation and the need to clean up after ourselves.
Here are another nine things that I wish I learned in sex-ed as a teenager. You can read part 1 here.
- There needs to always be authentic consent for sex to happen. Silence is not consent. Drunken sex is not consent. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. It is ok to stop a sexual session or leave if you do not feel it is right or good for you.
- There is a difference between being coerced to doing something and being curious and open-minded for your own sake. Heard of the saying, “Fake it till you make it?” Sometimes all it takes to get used to something new is doing more of it so that you get used to it. For instance, it may include getting used to the look, smell, and taste of his penis and even semen.
- Rather than let sex happen to you, begin thinking about what you need for sex to happen. What would make sex good for you? What would make it better? The first thing is to know what it is you want.
- You have the right to ask about the sexual history of your partner, now whether what they tell you is true or not is another matter. Always, always, always choose safer sex practices. Take charge; purchase and carry protection with you.
- Worry less about pleasing your partner, and more about doing the right thing by you--things that after doing you can live to face yourself in the mirror the next day. Remember, it is your body, your life, and your future that is on the line. Before you can have any kind of meaningful relationship, first recognize the magnificence within you and love yourself.
- Sexual communication is communication. You probably already have the skills it takes to ask for what you need and want sexually.