Couples that have a very good relationship are not just lucky. Successful, loving relationships do not just happen. The couples that have loving relationships are taking specific actions that people in unsuccessful relationships are not taking.
Action 1 - Kindness to self and other
Think for a moment about how you go through your day. Are you focused on what you don’t like in yourself or your partner? Do you spend much of your thinking time judging yourself or your partner? Or, do you make the spiritual attribute of kindness to yourself and others, including your partner, your highest priority?
People in successful relationships treat themselves and their partner with kindness – kind words, kind actions, kind looks, kind listening, and kind thoughts. It is far more important to them to be kind than to try to control their partner with anger, judgment, criticism, irritation, blame, resistance or withdrawal.
Action 2 - Personal Responsibility for feelings
People in loving relationships do not make their partner responsible for their feelings. When they feel angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, resentful, irritated, guilty, or shamed, they look within at their own thoughts and behavior that may be causing their painful feelings. They do not see themselves as victims of their partner’s choices. Rather, they learn how to manage their own feelings without dumping their upset on their partner. When they can’t manage their own feelings, they get the help they need rather than dump anger, blame, anxiety or depression onto their partner.
Action 3 - Organizational responsibility
People in successful relationships take responsibility for managing their time and space in ways that work for themselves and their partner. They make sure they have enough time with each other to talk, learn, resolve conflict, play and make love. The make sure they have time with children, time for chores, time for work and time for relaxation. They take care of their mutual living spaces in ways that respect their partner’s needs. If one partner tends to be neat and the other messy, they both strive to make their living environment pleasant for both of them rather than either of them complying, controlling, or resisting. Because their highest priority is kindness to themselves and each other, they are motivated to discover ways of living together that meets both of their needs.
Action 4 - Financial responsibility
Successful couples make sure that they not only earn enough to support themselves, but they learn how to manage their money in ways that do not create stress for themselves or their partner. They decide mutually if both of them will work or not. Partners in loving relationships do not unilaterally decide to stop working and live off the other person. Nor does either partner make unilateral financial decisions that have a negative effect on the other partner.