The Key to Effective Communication


The Key to Effective Communication
Tool to improve communication: TWO people in the room, not ONE.

Do you have the courage to speak your “true,” as Voltaire called it, and to listen? This is not easy for many of us.

In fact, not long ago I was at a meeting where we as a group needed to make a decision. I had thought about the topic, did some research, spoke to some colleagues and was very clear about what we needed to do. I was convinced. Hooked on Being right and Righteous. I was so convinced I was ”right” that I was struck with how closed off I was to listening to anyone in the group with a different point of view. Suddenly I realized this position went against absolutely everything I believed in and know is true: that listening facilitates real communication and conversation. I knew I wanted to make a shift. So with all my energy and strength I said to the group: “I have a very strong opinion on these issues AND from my heart and head I want to listen to your opinions.” What a lesson.


Often we forget that we are separate and have different opinions, different memories, and different perceptions of what actually happened and there is no one right way. Even if you totally and absolutely know that you are "right” . . . all you know is your perspective. When you don’t allow the other their perspective, there is only One person in the room. There is no room for Two and communication is stopped, killed, deadened.

Here's an Exercise, a first step, that will strengthen your communication. The more we speak our true and listen, the more we can have a conversation, communication that grows and evolves us.

An Exercise: Appreciations and Resentments

1.   Person A speaks her appreciations to Person B. B listens and doesn't interrupt. A gives concrete examples, e.g. when I asked you to turn the computer off and you did, I really appreciated that. A gives a concrete example for every appreciation. Maximum time--3 minutes.

2.  Person B speaks her appreciations to Person A. Again, very concrete examples. A listens, hopefully with head and heart and does not interrupt.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Lynda Klau




Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder & Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

Guiding Individuals and Organizations from Fear to Freedom

1 212 595 7373

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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