50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Teach Your Children To Be 'I Can' Kids

By

Life Coach: Why Parents Should Teach Their Kids To Be Independent
Always encourage your children to be all that they can be!
Does your child know that they can overcome limitations, or are they an "I can't" kid?

My youngest son (14 years old) plays on a club volleyball team. At his last tournament I couldn't stop watching a boy on the opposing team who had a truly killer spike. Later in the cafeteria, the boy and his mother sat down next to my family, and I noticed that the boy was missing an arm and wore a prosthetic version from the bicep down on his right arm. He was literally a one-armed volleyball player.

My son's team played his again and I watched carefully to see if his teammates, the coach, or his mother made any special arrangements for him. They didn't. He could set, bump, and serve almost better than any kid on the floor. He had an uncanny ability to time the lifting of his prosthetic arm with his other arm for perfect hits. When practicing his serves pre-game, I saw his mother give him honest feedback that wasn't filled with worry or pity. At one point she whipped a water bottle at him and he grabbed it perfectly with his left hand. At the end of the game, when the kids high five each other, he did a slight twist with his body to use his non-prosthetic arm to high five the boys. He also appeared to be one of the most joyful kids on the court with a great attitude and team spirit. 

More from YourTango: End The Morning Madness: Here's The Easiest Way To A Happier Day

I couldn't stop thinking about this boy and what must have gone on in his home for him to show up and participate in the way that he did.  Because at some point, this boy had to approach his parents and say, "I'd like to play volleyball." His parents could have easily said, "Sorry son but you can't because you have a prosthetic arm and you need two working arms to play volleyball." Obviously, they didn't and instead must have said something to the effect of, "Sure you can. Let's figure out how." 

And isn't that just the case for all of our children? They all have something that they are struggling with, be it physical or emotional. Maybe they have a chronic illness, a learning disability, insecurities, fears, limited athletic ability, or a mental illness. And isn't it our job to teach them that despite these limitations, they can do most anything that they set their mind to? Are we actually helping our children if we pity or enable them to cling to their struggles as an excuse to not face their fears or succeed at difficult tasks? Is hovering over them and micromanaging their lives really the way to get them to say, "I can" versus "I can't"? 

As adults, most of us have realized that our successes have come from plowing through our own limitations. Yet we seem unwilling to allow our children to do the same. How many of us as adults have realized that we may be weak in an academic skill or a physical task and we've had to learn to compensate for it either through ingenuity or practice? Why wouldn't we allow our children to learn in the same way? Why do we run interference with every teacher and coach when if we sat back and let our children figure it out, we'd actually be teaching them that they can find a way to be successful? 

Our children will leave our nest and watchful eye and when they do we want them to be independent, strong, capable, and believing that they can achieve what they set out to. If you are telling your child that they can't do something due to a perceived limitation, maybe you aren't really helping them at all. Instead, consider saying, "Yes, you can. How can I help?" Allow them to suffer through their struggles and persevere even when it is difficult. When they do finally succeed, their confidence and joy will grow exponentially. A confident child, who knows that he can despite the hardship, is a child who is destined for a life filled with killer spikes and life long success. 

Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, life coach, and mother of three at www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com. You can reach her at Lisa@smartwomeninspiredlives.com

More from YourTango: The Desperation Of Depression: Why We Must Show Compassion

More life coach advice on YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Lisa Kaplin

YourTango Expert Partner

Dr. Lisa J. Kaplin is a life coach and psychologist you can reach her at:

www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com

 

Location: Long Grove, IL
Credentials: CPC, ELI-MP, MS, PsyD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Lisa Kaplin:

What Wise Parents Know About Raising Successful Children

By

When I ask parents to visualize their children as adults, I ask them to describe the qualities that they want their children to have. Almost all of them say that they want their children to be kind, loyal, compassionate, hard working and happy. I've never once heard a parent say that they want their adult children to be good at math or fabulous baseball ... Read more

Reconnect With Yourself: Don't Let Motherhood Ruin Your Sex Life

By ,

Motherhood has become, for so many of us, the ultimate marathon. Each day we seemingly put every ounce of energy into our children and running our households. The recent creation (and use) of terms like 'helicopter parents' or 'hyper-parenting' practically confirms that we are guilty of focusing on modern day motherhood emotionally, physically ... Read more

End The Morning Madness: Here's The Easiest Way To A Happier Day

By

Do you start your day feeling as if you have a thousand pound weight on your chest? Are you likely to lay in bed thinking, "I can't handle this day?" Do too many "to do's" run through your head before you even get all the way out of the bed? Does your day start with you just wishing that it was over already? So many of my clients ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Smooches

One-liners Guaranteed to Turn Up the Heat

Want some off the hook sex tonight? Use words as foreplay!

Make A Move

Forgiveness : The Most Important "F-Word".

Forgive so that the past no longer holds you back. It is time to move forward.

Trouble In Paradise

5 Signs Your Marriage is At Risk

Learn the warning signs for divorce so you can avoid a crisis and find ways to turn things around.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS