50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Stop The Madness & Stop The Mommy Wars

By

Parenting: Stop The Mommy Wars!
Your friends shouldn't care if you work in an office or stay at home.
Are you sick of defending your decisions as a mom? There's one way to stop the judgment.

There's an endless discussion of whether women who are mothers should work outside of the home or not. For many of us, it is a tiresome, useless argument that only serves to make mothers feel insecure regardless of their decision. The argument certainly doesn't improve the lives of children or their parents. Most women I know find themselves in the unenviable position of either defending their decision, judging someone else's, or worst of all: a combination of both. 

Why are we defending ourselves, anyway? Are we insecure about our decisions? Influenced by the constant media barrage of mixed messages? Are we in a continual state of second-guessing ourselves, thus feeling forced into the position of defending what we hope is right for our family? Is your decision so tenuous, or your confidence so fragile that someone's silly or cruel comment can throw you into a defensive, angry frenzy? And who are you really hurting when you find yourself in that state? 

More from YourTango: End The Morning Madness: Here's The Easiest Way To A Happier Day

And one more question: why in the world are we judging other mothers? The most common reason that people judge others is because they don't feel good about themselves.  When we are firm and confident in our own decisions and ourselves, we have no need to criticize or judge others. When we are good with our lives, we are ultimately loving and kind to others. Hating and judging other mamas isn't about them — it’s about you. So if you find yourself gossiping about other mothers and their decisions, I have to ask you: "Why are you so unhappy with yourself... and what can you do to change that?"

Defending and judging are the ultimate sanity killers for all of us, yet they are also the perfect red flag, indicating that we are struggling internally with our own lives and decisions. I urge you to watch for those signs, and use them to dig deep in order to make decisions for you and your family that are right for you and your family, and absolutely no one else. You owe it to your children to make choices that work for the whole family. That includes you. There is absolutely no solid evidence that working inside or outside the home is right for every family.   What is best for your family is unique to you and if it honors your morals, values, and financial needs, then own it with pride and confidence.

The one and only way to end the ridiculous mommy wars is for each one of us to live our decision with complete assurance that what we have chosen for our family is unshakeable and right. No judgmental media, other parents, or non-parents can take away what is good for you. Why in the world would you let them? Why would you let someone else's comments take away from the joy you feel with your family, your career, or both? Why would you waste your precious energy, good will, and self-esteem, on defending a decision that is yours to make? 

Surround yourself with people who not only don't judge, but who support you and your decision completely. A friend who looks down on your decision is no friend — and probably not one you would want to spend a lot of time with. A true friend celebrates your decisions, helps you make them work, and walks with you through the tough times. Parenthood is fleeting, as children grow so quickly; why spend that time second-guessing your decisions, defending them, and judging others? Go do what is best for your family, enjoy every moment of it and quit the mommy wars for good. You are too good for anything else.

Lisa Kaplin is the proud mother of three, a psychologist and life coach at www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com

You can reach her at Lisa@smartwomeninspiredlives.com

More from YourTango: The Desperation Of Depression: Why We Must Show Compassion

More parenting advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Lisa Kaplin

YourTango Expert Partner

Dr. Lisa J. Kaplin is a life coach and psychologist you can reach her at:

www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com

 

Location: Long Grove, IL
Credentials: CPC, ELI-MP, MS, PsyD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Lisa Kaplin:

What Wise Parents Know About Raising Successful Children

By

When I ask parents to visualize their children as adults, I ask them to describe the qualities that they want their children to have. Almost all of them say that they want their children to be kind, loyal, compassionate, hard working and happy. I've never once heard a parent say that they want their adult children to be good at math or fabulous baseball ... Read more

Reconnect With Yourself: Don't Let Motherhood Ruin Your Sex Life

By ,

Motherhood has become, for so many of us, the ultimate marathon. Each day we seemingly put every ounce of energy into our children and running our households. The recent creation (and use) of terms like 'helicopter parents' or 'hyper-parenting' practically confirms that we are guilty of focusing on modern day motherhood emotionally, physically ... Read more

End The Morning Madness: Here's The Easiest Way To A Happier Day

By

Do you start your day feeling as if you have a thousand pound weight on your chest? Are you likely to lay in bed thinking, "I can't handle this day?" Do too many "to do's" run through your head before you even get all the way out of the bed? Does your day start with you just wishing that it was over already? So many of my clients ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

Letting Go Is Hard To Do

Healing your heart after divorce or loss of a spouse is worth the effort. Letting go is hard to do.

cozy up

Showing Love Through Touch

Touch is so incredibly important in relationships.

happiest

Listen Up, Darling: A Sex Kitten Is Never Hangry or Tired

Recently I shared eight surprising traits of a sex kitten. Each of those traits are ones that ...

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS