Love The One You Love

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Love The One You Love
Be alert: Jobs, children, sickness, or problems with other family members can destroy a marriage.

If you are concerned about your relationship with your beloved, trust it. Couples often wait up to six years before they seek help even though they have begun to feel distant from each other.

Most couples will tell me that after they had their children, there just seemed to be no time to catch up with each other. Date night became a thing of the past. Going to bed at different times became the default evening.

 

Being too tired to talk with out being reactrive and defensive set the tone for much most evening conversations. 

If you recognize yourself in any of these dynamics, don't panic. Just be happy that you have caught it early and want to change the evolving chasm between you. You are not alone. Other couples experience this during these times but it does not have to be. 

Good communication without blame or defensiveness makes all of the difference. But this requires skills that they did not teach in your sexuality course in high school. Learning to call time outs before an argument gets out of hand, is a master's degree course. Learning to hear your partner when being attacked, without saying, "But you..." deserves a merit badge.

Trust your sense that things are not going well. Tell your partner how much it would mean to you to use therapy to discover new tools and skills for staying close. Care about your partner's fear that you are going to make him/her into the bad guy.

Say you simply want to have a professional change your patterrns of interaction so that you hear each other and can find win-win solutions. Learn how to validate your partner's experience and appreciate how you might, in their shoes, experience the same feelings.

You can do this without giving up a sense that your concerns are valid too http://www.dr-jim.com. Your may need an seasoned coach to help you discover the relationship that you have longed for. Take that first step to get help.

If you are in New York City or Bronxville area, give me a call to set up an appointment at 914-548-86545. To find more tips go to dr-jim.com.

If not, feel free to go to the Therapist Locator at: www.therapistlocator.net for members of the American Association fo Marriage and Family Therapists.

More love advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Dr. Jim Walkup LMFT

Marriage/Couples Counselor

Learn quickly the best practices for effectively communicating, ending useless fighting, and supporting each other's search for meaning.   Don't settle for a lukewarm or worse partnership.  Addressing the problems now will usher you into building the relationship you have always wanted. 

 

 

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: DMin, LMFT
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