You Found The One - But Will Your Loving Relationship Last?


You Found The One - But Will Your Loving Relationship Last?
When you meet someone and "fall in love" you may not realize the unconscious forces at play.


So you have fallen in love and you believe you have found "the one."  What you may not realize is that there are some unconscious forces at play. After many years of counseling hundreds of couples, I have come to realize that men and women often marry for different reasons.  A man may find "the woman" who appears to be the one woman who can fulfill all of his desires.  She comes across to him as feminine, strong, gentle, loving, devoted, sexy, beautiful, sensual, and a woman who will take care of his home, his life, his sexual and his emotional needs.  A woman, on the other hand, often chooses a man who seems to have "the potential" to provide for her.  He seems to be masculine, strong, powerful, sexy, with the potential to establish himself in his career and become more sensitive, more loving, more communicative over time.

Both beliefs often lead to disppointment, frustration and lots of emotional pain and turmoil.  He may not understand what happened to that adoring, sexy woman who hung on his every word and couldn't stop touching him.  She may not know why he won't listen to her, share more of his time and personal thoughts with her, and provide for her the same types of romantic moments that they used to have together.

When we meet someone and "fall in love" we often are caught off guard and we do not understand what has happened.  We desire to be with this person and we are drawn to connect intimately.  What we may not realize is that there are some unconscious forces at play.  Very often we are attracted to another person because he or she somehow matches our own unmet childhood emotional needs as well as some of our current conscious desires. 

At first, we may focus mostly on what is good and exciting and gratifying about being with this other person.  However, over time, the underlying dynamics become more prominent.  Just those qualities which we love when we first connect can be the very same qualities that disturb us later on.

What is the solution to this inevitable change in perceptions as we spend more time in an ongoing, committed relationship?  The simple solution is to take the time at the very beginning to understand what you are really getting involved in.  Make of study of relationships.  Find out how most relationships begin and evolve.  Discover what the pitfalls and problematics areas might be.  Create a support system (counseling, situatons and emotional upsets that may occur.  The process of creating and sustaining a wonderful relationship is not really a mystery. Like anything else that is important in life, it does require some amount of skill, study and practice

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Erica Goodstone


I have the unique habit of caring about you and seeing your greatness when you may temporarily have blinders on. I will lovingly nudge you into a state of self-acceptance, self-appreciation and receptivity to the love of others.

My life's work is to help you create and allow healing and love in your life and all your relationships. You create healing in your body by removing impediments to your natural immune system functions. You create love in your relationships by accepting and appreciating the unique gifts that each and every person has to offer, and that includes YOU.

Find a Kindle Book about love, touch, healing, sexuality, spiritual reawakening and more.

Discover the 9 Love Secrets in Dr. Erica's interview by David Riklan from

Schedule a private coaching or counseling session:

Hire Dr. Erica to speak at your next event:

Visit my Blog:

Like my Facebook Page: HealingThroughLove



Location: Boca Raton, FL
Credentials: LMFT, LMHC, LPC, MA, MFT, NCC, Other, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Erica Goodstone:

YOU Make A Difference!


Your Actions Don't Really Matter, Do They? Do you sometimes think that your actions don't matter, that perhaps you are just part of a group and you will hardly be noticed? Yes, sometimes in a very large group—at a conference or large event—you may be able to slip quietly away and not be noticed, but if you are involved in a small ... Read more

Romance Revival: 7 Easy Ways To Bring The Butterflies Back


Can you easily and quickly bring romance back into your relationship? Many people provide simple solutions to a complex situation. There are many possible reasons for romance to fade away, sometimes rather quickly. You discover your partner's deep dark secret and you find you are unable to recover from this. You or your partner has a history ... Read more

10 Ways You May Be Guilty Of Relationship Malpractice


In your relationship, do you feel as if you on on the edge of a cliff with no place to go but downhill? Have you been guilty of ignoring requests for connection and refusing to take responsibility for your contribution to problems that arise? Has your partner ever presented you with one of the following complaints? Relationship Negligence: ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.