Being in a relationship is both a wonderful and challenging.
Especially at the start, relationships are wonderful because that someone you want to be with wants to be with you, too.
You’re both caught up in the excitement of it, enjoying the way you just seem to ‘fit’ together, confident that together you can take on the world, bound for the Happily Ever After sunset.
What makes relationships strange is that, although relationships have their own momentum, you can’t rely on it. Sometimes that momentum just stalls, and sometimes that momentum that stops you from seeing that they’re headed downhill — until it’s too late.
What can you do to keep the momentum going and guarantee that you and your partner will continue to enjoy that loving feeling through the years and the decades, together?
Here are the 3 simple relationship hacks that will have your man eating out of your hand, and ensure he’ll never stray.
1. Put him on the 5:2 diet
Everybody knows about the 5:2 diet. It’s fashionable and it works to keep the weight off. Actually, it can work just as well to keep the resentments, and the emotional detachment away.
But when it comes to the 5:2 Emotional Diet, you need to do it slightly differently. Every day you need to find 5 positive things (minimum) to say to your partner for every 2 critical or negative things. Before you start, spend a couple of days writing your Diet Journal. Make a note of how many positive, supportive things you say to him during the course of the day; and how many, well… are less than positive things.
Now, you could argue: “Yes, but it’s not just about me. What about the negative things he says? Or all the times he doesn’t talk at all?”
The conventional 5:2 diet works because people follow it. If they read up about it and then said: “Yes, but I can’t follow it until another person in my life does first,” nothing would change.
2. Never deny him a sandwich
Nobody’s suggesting your partner is perfect — any more than you are. Both of you make mistakes, have your own foibles, and can be more bloody-minded than is good for the relationship.
It’s easy to focus on what your nearest and dearest is doing wrong. The problem is that most people are not idiots, they can work out for themselves when they’ve messed up.
Worse, they hate seeing their partner slip effortlessly into the role of Displeased Parent to read them chapter and verse.
‘Speaking your mind’ may provide you with some short-term satisfaction. Equally, it will provide your partner with some short, medium, and even long-term irritation and resentments.
What to do instead? Brush up on your feedback-sandwich making. Most people know how to make a feedback -sandwich; they just don’t do it terribly often.
Maybe they feel they shouldn’t have to. You probably shouldn’t have to ‘’take evasive action’ at the wheel, but if a juggernaut is heading straight for you, you probably won’t argue the toss.
You’ll just do what makes sense. The same goes for the feedback-sandwich.
When you sandwich the direct piece of information you want to share between two since and positive statements, you stand a much better chance of keeping the lines of communication open and getting your partner to listen.
Instead of saying: “How could you possibly say that to X?”, try something more subtle like: “Darling, I know how much you care about making sure people do the right things and, I’m wondering, do you think X might just have misunderstood that as a direct attack?
That would be such a shame because you’re really good at encouraging people to think things through for themselves.”
Will ‘Darling’ feel more disposed to impress you even more, next time? You betcha!
3. Pay him more attention
If you have a pet, that pet gets your undivided attention. You don’t get home from work and say: “Hey, Kitty, I’ve had a tough day. Don’t you think that for once in your life you could clean the litter-tray yourself?”
Admittedly, Kitty can’t do that, but the point remains: you focus on giving and receiving love, not reproaches, with your your pet. Don’t forget to do that with your human, especially if that human has become a little rusty, where giving and receiving attention are concerned.
Even if your relationship has lost momentum, or else is sliding downhill, you always have choices.
First, you can walk away and start over. The problem is, if you haven’t learned how to change the behaviors that aren’t working for you right now, you may well end up in the same impasse with a different partner.
Second, you can keep on doing what you’ve always done in the hope that you’re partner will change and start transforming his behavior in ways his direction shows no signs of pursuing right now.
Third, start using these 3 simple mind-hacks. Miracles probably won’t happen overnight. But if you stick with it, over a 3 month period, you and your partner will start enjoying that loving feeling again.
And this time you’ll know exactly how to keep that love alive.
Are you someone who really wants to improve your relationship but you’re not sure if you can do it? Are you feeling vulnerable and tired of working hard at your relationship without seeing the results you want?
If you’re not sue where to start, or how to keep yourself on track, email Annie (email@example.com) for agree Relationship Breakthrough Consultation. Discover what’s really possible for you.