YourTango Expert's 31-Day Sex Challenge is such a great idea because a good sex life is crucial to keeping love and passionate monogamy growing in a relationship. In fact, it's like the glue that holds it all together.
Sex releases the hormones that make us feel good (testosterone for men and oxytocin for women). Now, we all know that sex is almost always on a man's mind and he generally is "in the mood" anytime, anywhere, any way. But for a woman to build her desire and fully enjoy the sexual experience, she first needs to feel special and cherished by her partner. She yearns to be wanted and responds best when a man pursues her with devout intensity (regardless of the relationship stage or length).
This is based on the fact that men and women experience attraction differently: men feel physical attraction first, then the emotional and mental connection follow; women need to feel connected mentally and emotionally before they are ready for a physical encounter. This is why "Romance is from Venus and Sex is from Mars."
In the beginning of our relationships, it's so easy to connect on a romantic and sexual level as the hormones flow freely and plentiful. Think back to those magical days (and nights!) of great sex…
MEN: Did you call her randomly and often, bring her flowers "just because," show interest and respect for her ideas, have long conversations where you actively listened to her talk? Did you ask her lots of questions to find out what she liked and then plan fun date nights based on your common interests? Did you send her sexy emails or texts extolling the virtues of her breasts, her perfect bottom, the seductive effect of her perfume? Did you look deeply into her eyes, lightly touch her face and hair, pull her close to kiss her slowly and deliciously while your hands gently and firmly explored every inch of her lovely body? Did you take bubble baths together? Did you cook your famous spaghetti (in just an apron), and serve it to her with real silverware, candlelight and Chris Botti playing softly in the background? How To Be Romantic
WOMEN: Did you perfectly maintain your nails, hair, makeup and maybe even wax? Did you choose scents and outfits designed to turn him on, including silky, slinky underthings and lingerie? Did you share your hopes, goals and fantasies with him, admire his expertise and trust his judgment? Did you daydream about his lips on your nipples, and imagine what it would be like to wake up next to him every morning and the beautiful children you might make together? Did your eyes sparkle and your stomach flutter whenever he walked into the room? Were you thrilled by his efforts to please you and did you smile, flirt and thank him for every little thing to show him how happy you were?
As couples settle in together and the hectic daily schedules take precedence, our priorities slowly shift. We don't indulge in as much quality time together or strive to meet each other's needs, yet this is the precursor to great sex. What happens, instead, is that men tend to forget their feelings and women tend to forget their sexual desire. However, when mates prioritize time to remember their love and return the focus to romance and sex, a relationship can begin to improve immediately.
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- 15 Ways He Shows His Love
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To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
If you are a woman reading this, ask him to plan a date. You can even send him the link to this article. After all, men love a challenge! If you are a man reading this, plan a date. It doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful. Make her feel special as you would have in the beginning of your relationship. Go to that restaurant from your first date, plan a picnic on a scenic walk or take her to a concert.
Within 7 days I want you to:
Write a steamy, love note to your partner. Describe your sexual feelings when you are aroused. Place yourself in a romantic setting with your partner and describe what you want to do. This helps build anticipation. Save your letter for your date night.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Go on that special date. Men, tell her how beautiful she looks, how important she is to you and how you have plans for her at home. Women, tell him how much you appreciate him, how he makes you so happy and how excited you are to go home with him. At the end of your date, read your love letters to each other. The romantic gestures plus the steamy letters guarantee those physical feelings will build to lead you both back to the ecstasy of great sex.