Understand the mindset of the divorced man to develop successful dating strategies; think BEERS!
Now I’m not talking about knowing which beer has the most alcohol content so you can get him drunk and have your way with him. Nor am I suggesting giving him his favorite beer as a birthday or Christmas gift. On second thought that’s not a bad idea. Rather, “BEERS” signifies a change of mind; relate to the experience from the divorce man’s point of view to improve your dating success. The enduring fights, false accusations, financial stress, reduced time with kids and a host of other issues can be more dramatic than a Shakespearian play. Once the divorce dust settles, finding peace and warmth in a woman’s arms is like … having a cold beer after working long hours on a hot day (think like a guy)!
How does a woman create that warmth? Understanding the mindset of the divorced man will make you more attractive and help you craft successful dating strategies. What strategies should develop? Know the pros and cons of “BEERS” (like I said, you have to think like a man):
"B"e patient about meeting kids.
- Pro - One very attractive quality is the type of mom you will be to his kids. But being eager to be involved with the kids is a sign of insecurity; you’re trying to capture him via getting attached to his kids. You should wait at least six to nine months before doing things with his kids. Being too eager to meet and be involved with his kids will turn a good divorced man away.
- Con - If he wants you to get involved with his kids quickly, that’s a sign of fear; fear of being alone, not being a good dad or feeling insecure. If you neet a man like this, blow him off like the bitter head of a beer.
"E"x-wife is friend not foe.
- Pro – Become friend with the ex-wife. As a father, a step-father, and my sons having step-fathers it is natural for a man to fear that your kids may not love you as much as the new step parent. This also holds true for women. Becoming the friend of the ex-wife assures her that you are not trying to “steal” her kids. This will help create a great relationship with her and your divorced guy.
- Con - not all ex-wife’s are open to this. A rocky relationship with the ex can cause strain on the relationship. But don’t judge the divorced man by his ex-wife; her “female dog-type” demeanor is perhaps why he divorced her. Cool off your communication with her will create a smoother relationship, like a nice wheat ale.
"E"motional support creates attractiveness.
- Pros - Society creates the identity of a couple through marriage; as the wedding vow script goes “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Smith”. The breakup of the couple identity is hard on the man. He is socialized to be the fixer, the bond that keeps the relationship together. Getting divorced is not only failure of the relationship; it’s also a loss of identity. Providing emotional support shows you care and your emotional strength. Very attractive.
- Con – a man needing too much emotional support is a sign of not being healed or not having the ability to heal. Further, if you or he uses the relationship as a bargaining chip to win arguments, it’s a sign of insecurity and something to avoid. No amount of lemon or orange slices will make that relationship "taste" better.
"R"oom, he needs “man” time.
- Pros - Depending upon the duration of the marriage and the depth of love for his ex-wife, a good man realizes that he should have "man time" as well as time as couple time. Providing room in the relationship for him to hang out with the guys, pursue his hobbies or to just be alone is an attractive quality. It shows you have confidence and that you are a secure woman.
- Cons – a man that does not want alone time may be a sign of co-dependence and or insecurity. Similarly, a woman that does not provide room for man time is a sign of insecurity and will drive a good divorced man away. He'll take the first seat he can on the Silver Bullet.
"S"ex will be great, but be careful what you ask for.
- Pros – a man newly divorced misses the intimacy and may want to get involved quickly. Frequency of intimacy may bring you back to your old teenage/twenties days. Short term, this may be very fulfilling, but longer term the relationship need to mature to be based on the non-physical attributes of each person.
- Cons – Most first relationships after divorce are rebound relationships and don’t last. If you’re looking for a long term relationship tread with caution and make sure he’s healed before you get too intimate. Sex heat could turn to swift heartache like the bitterness of an beer gone bad.
In all seriousness, divorce is not something in which to joke about. It changes a man’s life (not to down play the impacts on the woman, but this article focuses on the man). The dating rituals are totally different because of the different circumstances. These new situations require a new way of thinking when dating and creating a relationship with a divorced man. Thinking BEERS with help you keep in mind the important factors and make your dating efforts more successful. Cheers!