'The Lizard' & 4 More Terrible Kinds Of Kisses

By

'The Lizard' & 4 More Terrible Kinds Of Kisses [EXPERT]
From tightly pursed lips to doggy-style slobber, here are 5 ways to ruin a hot makeout session.

If you are single and dating, you might understand what it's like to kiss a few frogs. If you're looking for love sometimes, you've got to kiss more than a few. I understand; I've kissed more than my share of men who didn't kiss like real men. They kissed like lizards and bologna sandwiches, metaphorically speaking. So, lets hop to it and get this bad kissing party started. Then we need to get our dating calendar and fill it will men who are great kissers! Why Women Like Kissing During Foreplay [VIDEO]

1. The Lizard Kiss. This one was from long long ago, thankfully. I wanted to completely block the memory of this doozie of a bad kiss, but still, to this day, it haunts my brain. It was almost like this guy shape-shifted into a lizard, but retained soft human lips. When my lips touched his, a quickly moving, up and down tongue came out and I didn't know what to do andI didn't think it would ever stop. Now I know what it feels like to be a fly and I really empathize with them now — the poor things.

2. The Bologna Sandwich Kiss. I got this line from romantic comedy when I was down with the flu. I'm so glad I was sick that weekend so I can share this line in my own words from my own personal kissing experience. "I'm serious. Kissing him was like kissing a bologna sandwich." I laughed out loud at this one, because it perfectly described what it was like to kiss him. His tongue was lifeless and when it was moving, it was flopping around with no direction. Want to have more fun as a single mom?

3. The Dirty Dog Kiss. This one surprised me a little. He seemed so suave and had the softest, slickest black hair. He had all the right moves in the beginning. I'm not sure exactly what happened, maybe he was getting in touch with his inner Labrador Retriever? It went from a delicious seductive kiss, to him licking the Burt's Bee lotion off my face; I had to sanitize and moisturize after that one. And to top it all off, all of my dog treats came up missing!

More kissing advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dina Z Colada

Dating Coach

Get my FREE eBook "Stop Pushing Men Away & Get The EPIC Love You Want," when you sign up for my EPIC Love Newsletter. If you are ready to magentize men instead of making them run away don't wait another minute, get your copy today!

Dina on Facebook

Dina on Twitter

Location: Morgantown, WV
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Dina Z Colada:

Men, Just Because She's Smiling Doesn't Mean She's Happy.

By

Are ladies wearing red lipstick happier than their physically bigger, male opposites? I don't think so. But women are better at faking it, and I'm not talking about the big O. David Geary, PhD, professor of psychological sciences at the University of Missouri concluded that, "Females use language more when they compete. They gossip, manipulate ... Read more

5 Reasons Women Ignore Your Dating Profile

By

I write hundreds of online dating profiles for men and women who use online dating. I also write specific emails for people (mostly men) who are tired of getting rejected, are bad spellers, or just don't know what to say to women. People need help, and I am here to help. Women don't have to initiate contact like men do, and I commend you guys for ... Read more

The 4 Worst Tinder Headlines (Or, How To Do Online Dating Right!)

By

Tinderella is the beautiful girl who wears just the right amount of lip-gloss and puckers up with her coy smirk selfie looking for a date tonight, tomorrow and Friday night. She's got time to kill, but her long brown hair and even longer legs are sitting home night after night and her only companion is Twinkie, her 6-toed cat. She could be rubbing up on ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular