How To Tell Your Husband You're A Lesbian


Are you ready to come out of the closet?

Telling my husband I'm gay was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. If you're a gay woman who is married to a man, take it from me: Talking to your husband about your sexuality is not something you should rush into. Coming out is a very individual process, so do it in your own time and your own way.

Your revelation may come as a complete shock, or he may have already sensed that something was off. Because you can't be sure how he will react, it's important to think things through in advance.

The most important thing for you to consider is your safety and that of your children. If you have any inclination that your husband may become violent or abusive as a result of the revelation, consult an attorney before talking to him. If you think that he may use the children in a custody battle out of anger, get professional advice that will protect you.

For those who are not in high-risk marriages, talking to your husband will probably be a very emotional experience. If you are not absolutely certain about your sexual orientation, tell him that you are struggling with feelings you don't understand. Reassure him that there is no fault involved. It has nothing to do with him as a man or husband.

Reactions will vary. Some men will listen before slipping into a comfortable state of denial, believing that if they don't deal with it, nothing will change; your marriage will remain intact. Others react with anger and confusion, feeling blindsided and betrayed. They don't understand how difficult it has been for you. Keep reading.

More about lesbians from YourTango:


Expert advice

If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
Several key behaviors stand out in order to help couples create a healthy relationship.
It seems like you can't do anything right.

Explore YourTango