ProConnect

How To Tell Your Husband You're A Lesbian

By

woman looking seriously at man
It's time.
Are you ready to come out of the closet?

Telling my husband I'm gay was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. If you're a gay woman who is married to a man, take it from me: Talking to your husband about your sexuality is not something you should rush into. Coming out is a very individual process, so do it in your own time and your own way.

Your revelation may come as a complete shock, or he may have already sensed that something was off. Because you can't be sure how he will react, it's important to think things through in advance.

More from YourTango: The Friendship Foundation & Why It's So Important

The most important thing for you to consider is your safety and that of your children. If you have any inclination that your husband may become violent or abusive as a result of the revelation, consult an attorney before talking to him. If you think that he may use the children in a custody battle out of anger, get professional advice that will protect you.

For those who are not in high-risk marriages, talking to your husband will probably be a very emotional experience. If you are not absolutely certain about your sexual orientation, tell him that you are struggling with feelings you don't understand. Reassure him that there is no fault involved. It has nothing to do with him as a man or husband.

More from YourTango: The Shocking Effect Of Marriage On Same-Sex Couples

Reactions will vary. Some men will listen before slipping into a comfortable state of denial, believing that if they don't deal with it, nothing will change; your marriage will remain intact. Others react with anger and confusion, feeling blindsided and betrayed. They don't understand how difficult it has been for you. Keep reading.

More about lesbians from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Cooking Together

6 More Eco-Conscious Ideas For A Better World And A Better You

Here are six tips on how you can have sex more consciously and also be kind to the environment.

Family With 2 Young Kids

What Wise Parents Know About Raising Successful Children

What are we teaching our children when we focus on their achievements rather than their kindness?

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

"Love is the bridge between you and everything" Rumi

Love is all around us, if we allow yourselves to see it.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS