Depending upon your social status or quality of current relationship, Valentine’s Day can either be a heaven or a hell day for you. Being single into my forties, I can tell you that most of these supposed heart-filled days have been on the disappointing end. Each of my single years I would be exposed to all the happy coupled women in the office bragging about their dinner plans among the gigantic bouquet of flowers on their desk with the heart-shaped “I Love You” balloons. I tried to be positive, but every stupid cupid image I saw felt like someone was stabbing a dagger in my lonely heart.
Even on the rare occasion when I did have pseudo-boyfriend on the day, I was disillusioned with the level of effort they put into the celebration. The restaurant was too cheap, the flowers were carnations instead of roses or they totally avoided calling or setting up a date because they didn’t want me to think we were serious. I just can’t remember one Valentine’s Day that was actually great after I turned ten.
When I finally met Roberto, I thought my V-Day attitude would change. Now it was my turn to get the flowers, the candy and the fancy dinner. However, our first Valentine’s Day together didn’t feel any more special than any other day. He always showered me with love and affection, so V-Day just didn’t seem to be such a big deal anymore. Every day with Roberto was filled with love; we didn’t need a holiday to make a special statement. It felt almost weird to celebrate like we were stating the obvious.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean anything at all except for the meaning we give it. The people who get the strongest reaction around it, good or bad, are really just looking for reassurance that they are loved through a made-up holiday. If you are single, you want a Valentine so can feel lovable. You celebrate when you have a date (even if it is a dork that you settled for just to get out for the evening) or you get down on yourself if you spend the night alone.
The same goes for couples who need a big hoopla or gift so their partner can prove their love. If he doesn’t follow through, it could be the cause of distress in the relationship. Single or Coupled, Valentine’s seems to cause more problems than cheery happy hearts.
Don’t use this holiday as a way to gauge your personal worth or the commitment of your partner. It is just another day. You deserve someone who will treat you special every single day, not just once a year. Remember, there is nothing like a spontaneous love gift from your true partner compared to obligatory offering made on V-Day that is often forced and pre-packaged.
So for this Valentine’s Day, remember these three magical words, “No Big Deal.” Being alone on this day doesn’t mean you will be lonely forever. It just means that the one isn’t here yet and that this is one less day you will have to go through without them. If you keep your chin up, you'll find a love that you can celebrate every day of the year.
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