Dealing with rejection is a part of the dating game. Some people don’t even bother getting out there because they dread being rejected and the idea of rejecting someone else. Dating triggers things in your emotional lock-box that you often don’t want to look at. The slightest hint of a man pulling away can set off a firestorm of insecure feelings and critical thoughts which lead you down the dark path of despair.
Quite often I hear from women when a man just disappears, “What is wrong with me?” “Why did he lose interest?” and “What could I have done differently to keep him around?” Then it always follows with a silly quote they found in one of those destructive dating books which explains all the mistakes women make with men and how they screw up their love life. I promptly reply by asking them to toss that book in the trash, lift their chin up and ask themselves, “What is wrong with him?”
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The last straw in my self-deprecating dating patterns was a man who invited me to a ski weekend in Aspen. He proceeded to meet other women and spend time with them the entire time while I was staying at his condo. At first I wondered if I was pretty enough or interesting enough for him, but then a voice inside said loud and clear, “You deserve more.”
A few months later, I witnessed a man in my hypnotherapy class proclaim that he could not commit to women because of his issues with his step-mother. He would really want a relationship but then sabotage it because he didn’t trust women. This made me realize that every man has his own story, his own dysfunctional past that he is coping with when it comes to women.
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Of course, you have to take responsibility for being the other piece of the puzzle that drew you to him, but you don’t have to take ALL of the responsibility as if you are broken and the guy is perfect. If you continue to put up with bad behavior you should look within as to why you keep attracting this scenario into your life, but you always have the power to walk away and break the pattern of attraction. You can stop walking on eggshells wondering if you are going to make one of the “silly dating mistakes” because, if he has issues with women, he will act like a jerk no matter how perfectly you follow the rules.
Men have a subconscious part of them I call the Inner Eve™. Their internal relationship with all women is dictated through this part of them. Formed by early life experiences of their interactions with women, this is how they see all women and how they relate to them. If they have a dysfunctional relationship with their Inner Eve™, they will not be open to love and it won’t be because you talked about marriage on the first date or slept with him too soon.