Who me? Controlling? Here's how to take control of those buttons once and for all!
Are you a control freak? Or do you know any control freaks? Or maybe you just don't want to admit it? Controlling is usually something most of us would never like to be called, especially if we are in any kind of relationship. Yet, in subtle or not so subtle ways, we search to be in control.
Maybe you're the one-upmanship person? You can't wait to plug your story into the conversation, effectively moving the spotlight from the other person onto you. Maybe you insist on telling everyone in the family exactly where everything has to go in the fridge—beer and drinks on this shelf, yogurt and milk on that shelf. Or do you freak out because someone wiped down the counter with the wrong kitchen towel? OMG! Whatever the case, your buttons have been pushed and you just have to react, be right and defend your point of view, tooth and nail.
How would it feel for you to have permission to be a control freak? It just might feel pretty good, right? So, what's the secret? Are You Married To A Control Freak?
It's really not so much about controlling others, but more about the need for feeling a sense of control. That's the "control freak secret." When we feel out of control, we feel helpless, powerless or hopeless. When we're sick, worried about finances, feeling a sense of lack or just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the need to be in control increases. Subconsciously, we tell ourselves we are a victim, not lovable or not good enough. We get angry at our situation and try to control whatever or whomever else we can. You can be sure that the power struggles aren't far behind as we jockey to be heard, to be right, to tell our partner how to do things. Thinking someone or something has "happened to us", we talk over one another or diverge from the agenda at hand all in the name of eliminating the uncomfortable tension of the situation. It seems like the harder we try to control another person, the more we l ose it ourselves. Can you relate? How Do You Set Realistic Expectations In A Relationship?
So who's in control here? You...or your emotions? Are you letting your emotions hold the reins and letting life happen to you? Or, are you in control and making life happen the way you want? Be honest. The secret to being a control freak is to take control of your emotions before they get the best of you.
3 Tips For Gaining A Sense Of Control:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
1. Don't assume you know why the other person is doing what they are doing. It's rarely about you anyway. Chances are they didn't wake up and ask what they could do today to annoy you. Assume that the other person may have a very good reason for doing things that way, the same way you have your reasons, too. 3 Types Of Listening You Need To Master
2. Change your perceptual position from your own to that of the other person. When you meet confusion or resistance, hesitation or hostility, stepping into the "other position" helps you to create rapport, understand, empathize and consider others accurately and thoughtfully. Step into their shoes for a moment and see the situation from their point of view. What are they hearing, seeing or feeling? What would they like to hear being said to them? What do they want? This doesn't mean saying, "If I were you..." It means understanding what they are feeling. THIS Is The Kiss Of Death For Relationships
Now, imagine that you are observing the situation between you and the other person take place on a stage. How do you sound? How does the other person sound? Now what do you see? Seen from a neutral "observer position" the stress lessens and you can shift gears and start to see the forest again.
3. Practice Detached Involvement. This means that you live your life as both a participant and an observer at the same time. You experience life and your journey without judging them as being good or bad, right or wrong. Because you choose to simply live the experience, you regain complete control of your responses to what life offers you. You're both fully involved and detached from being influenced by emotions and outcomes.
Once you've easily mastered detached involvement, you can more quickly focus on the moment and step into your true power. Here are the simple steps to learning how to practice Detached Involvement:
• Quit taking things personally.
• Make no assumptions.
• Make as few judgments as possible.
• Say goodbye to the need to be right.
• And say goodbye to the need to control.
• Be passionate about all your experiences, including the painful ones. There is always something to learn from them. Getting Past The Past
• No matter what you do, give it your all and share your gifts.
• Detach from the allure of future outcomes.
So there you have it. Next time someone pushes your buttons and you feel the urge to point your finger, be right and defensive, remember these 3 super easy and effective tips and give yourself complete permission to be "controlling." Just remember who and what you get to control.
Here's to your new success as a masterful control freak!
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