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How To Date After Divorce: 10 Rules To Follow

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 10 Rules of Dating After Divorce

Rules to put your best self forward when dating after divorce.

"Oh my gosh! How can I go out on a date? I haven’t been on a date since before I met my spouse!"

Do you feel this way too? Are you wondering if you are appealing now?

Do you think about things like:

  • "What will I wear?"  
  • "Who will watch the kids?"
  • "What will my mother think?"
  • "What will my friends say?" 
  • "What if it goes poorly?"
  • "What if it goes well?!? Then what?"

While the thought of dating after the end of a long-term relationship is certainly scary, you will date again. Life goes on and so will you. And, most of us want to find true love or, at least, companionship. You can do it!

So, what will you need to do when dating after divorce?

1. You do not need to marry your first date.  

Your date is strictly for some adult company. It can be as short as an hour or, if you are having a pleasant time, can last longer. Remember that you are in control of that first meeting.

Don’t meet at your home. Pick a neutral and public location. Treat it like a pleasant business meeting.

2. Develop self-confidence.  

Realize that no one thinks that they are the ideal height or the ideal weight. Be confident and others will see that confidence shining through too.

3. Be open to chatting online with others as a first step.  

However, never give personal information and never send money to people who you've only met online.

4. When you decide to search online for potential matches, look for people who are in a similar situation to you.  

If you are recently separated, seek out others who are also separated. If you are divorced or widowed and have spent time recovering, seek out others, as best you can, who may share the same situation.  

A similar frame of mind is very important.

5. Do not feel pressured to go anywhere or do anything that is against your nature. 

If you don't like cocktails, don't meet at a bar. Meet at a coffee shop!

If you act in ways that aren't comfortable for you, you will not likely find a good companion. 

6. Create a profile that reflects who you are and not who you feel you should be.  

Do not say that you like bungee jumping if a leisurely Sunday car ride is more your speed.

7. Think of your time out on a date as "me time".

You will be away from work, away from home, and you may enjoy learning about another person’s perspective on new and interesting topics.  

8. Decide how you want to handle paying the bill on an outing in advance! 

Yes, it can be awkward, but you’ll each know right away if you were happy with the way you and the other person handled it. And there is no one right answer to this!

Everyone has different values and the important thing is to honor yours.

9. Be yourself on the date.

If you go on future dates with the same person, it is important to make sure they like you for who you are and not who you pretended to be to please them.

10. Be discreet.

Friends may wish to live vicariously through you and this exciting time of your life. Meet your date, perhaps, in a different part of town, if that’s more comfortable to keep things private.

And, there is no need to share all in social media, especially if you have minor children.

As you can see, using common sense and good judgment as well as some practical skills makes it possible for you to begin a future that works well for you.

Success will come over time. Do not put much pressure on yourself, have fun while following some guidelines and, whether you end up with a relationship in the end, you will certainly discover more about you.

Cherie Morris and Vicki Vollweiler, both Certified Divorce Coaches with Dear Divorce Coach, can help you face divorce successfully with guidance as well as financial, emotional and parenting supports that work for you. You can reach both Cherie and Vicki from Dear Divorce Coach at Coach@DearDivorceCoach.com or visit their website.