"I've been everywhere sexually. So I'm abstaining until I connect with someone on a deeper level."
I've loved sex ever since I first learned about it as a teenager.
Sex was always a quest for me.
I remember losing my virginity and how amazing sex felt. I remember in my 20s using sex as an ego validation. I also remember my mother telling me to respect women, and I always tried to follow her advice.
I've had all kinds of sex. I've had romantic sex. I've had love making sex. I've had plain old screwing. I've had validation sex, and I've had one-night stands. I've had everything under the sun.
I've enjoyed every stage of my life being a sexually free being.
But recently something inside me changed.
I was dating this woman in 2013. It was an amazing sexual relationship. We had that incredible chemistry where our bodies knew exactly how to speak to each other.
We were so into every moment. Sex would last hours, and it was always fun. The foreplay was amazing. Bringing each other to orgasm was intense. I could literally feel every bit of her. But missing in that relationship was the emotional connection I wanted. I kept hoping one would develop but it just wasn’t there.
When that relationship ended, I sat down with a bunch of friends and announced "I'm not going to have sex anymore until I have everything I need."
They looked at me and laughed. They said, "No way, man! You're someone who has to have sex. You’re just saying that because the relationship ended."
My friends were wrong.
I'm at a stage at my life where I have experienced bits of soul sex. I have experienced some really deep things during sex, and I believe sex comes with a responsibility. I don't want to go down that road anymore, unless it's a road I have never been on. A new road of sexual exploration, mutual respect, of feeling comfortable and safe.
This year has been the year without sex.
It's not like I haven't had opportunities, but I didn't act on them.
Instead, I started thinking about the responsibility of sex. I started thinking about what it means to truly be authentic as a man.
I remember in the middle of the year in July, I met this woman and we kissed. She looked at me with that look in her eyes. I said, "We're not having sex." She smiled and said, "Why not?"
I said, "I don't feel it. We don't know each other well enough."
It’s like I've become the woman now. I really want to have sex, but I want it to be special. I want to get deep and connective, and I want to go places I've never been before.
I stopped having sex because I'm tired of it not going anywhere. I wanted the whole picture. In my mind and in my heart, I want to experience something I've never experienced before. Just having sex for the sake of having sex was definitely not where I wanted to go.
The funny thing about it is, I'm not that frustrated. I've been sleeping great. I don't think that much about sex. I've never been much of a masturbator. It's like I've used that energy to channel elsewhere to get in my mind, in my heart and in my soul.
I'd like to go somewhere I've never been before. I don't want the same old, same old. I stopped having sex because I want to connect on a much deeper level. If I start having sex with somebody just for the sake of having sex, I'm going to take my energy away from being able to connect and meet somebody on a deeper level.
A year without sex. It's actually been about 15 months. I'm not a Boy Scout. I've had a few 'intimate encounters' this year. But, I'm happy with my decision. I feel like I've grown as a man.
I feel like now, I can speak my truth, like I'm no longer ruled by the little man down below. I feel like my heart is in the right space. My ego is no longer making decisions.
I've taken the ego out of it. It's amazing because now I've become a vulnerable, feeling, open, raw man.
That feeling alone is an amazing experience.
I wanted to confess this to you because I want you to realize not all men are thinking with their little man down below. Not all men are just looking to get laid. I want you to know there are other men like me.
Several of my friends have done the same thing. These are men who have grown past their ego validation days of sex. There are a lot of men out there that are just like me. Wanting to connect deeper, experience that soulful loving connection, that leads to soul sex.
If that’s what you are looking for in a man, you don’t have to settle. Tell the universe you desire a deep, soulful and physical connection with a man. That you’re not going to settle for anything less. Then watch what the universe presents to you. It will change your life, like it has changed mine.