If you're looking for your perfect match, you may be feeling frustrated and hopeless. But you want to know the devastating truth? You're probably going to meet him really soon. Yes, you're going to meet the man of your dreams. But unless you adjust your attitude, you're going to mess it up. Do you want to know why? Because even though this guy does everything right, you won't trust him. You won't believe he's genuine, and you'll sabotage things. Imagine the following fantasy scenario:
You meet a guy in aisle 4 at Whole Foods. You both reach for the same bottle of Spanish olive oil at the same time. He looks at you, and you both smile. He's got one of those grins that just melts your heart. He lets go of the bottle and says, "It's all yours. There's no way I'm fighting you for that bottle." Then he asks your name. You tell him and you talk for a while. He asks you if you're a Spanish olive oil freak or something. He finds out you spent some time in Spain, and you chat about European trips. It's a great little conversation. It's one of those serendipitous moments you've been dreaming of for so long.
It's all about that moment. So what's the devastating truth? If you don't check yourself, you're going to screw it up! You want to know why? Because in all my years of coaching, over and over again I see women find exactly what they want in a man... and talk themselves out of a relationship with him because they don't trust it. They believe something must go wrong, so they avoid the connection altogether.
Back to the scenerio. The handsome stranger texts you later that night. He makes you smile, and flirting has definatly started. Then he says, "It was great meeting you. I'd love to hang out." You’re so excited and still on a high from that beautiful connection between two souls looking for love. You tell him that you enjoyed meeting him too.
The next day he texts you around the same time he met you the day before — because he's a man who pays attention to detail. He asks, "How's my olive oil girl doing today? How's lunch treating you?"
You've already got an inside joke you share together. You feel great. You've done everything right. Later, he calls you on the phone. (You've complained for years men never call, but this guy is actually picking up the phone)! You're scared so you don't pick up. He leaves you a cute voicemail message: "Hey you. It was great meeting you the other day. Now we're going to do this boy-girl thing. Boy calls girl. Girl listens to the voicemail message and giggles. I'm kind of an old fashioned guy, and still believe a phone call is the way to start things. So do me a favor: let's keep this boy-girl thing going and give me a call back... and let's talk."
He leaves his phone number. You don't call back. You complain for so long that men never call and here he is, calling. He's doing everything right but the devastating truth is you don't trust him. You don't trust the situation. The next day, undeterred by your silence, he texts you. He asks if you've escaped from the office for lunch. He says wants to kidnap you to make sure you get a decent lunch to keep you going through the day.
You're feeling giddy, but here comes another devastating truth. You tell him you can't. The boss is on your back and next week is better. If you're going to screw this up, you're going to finish it off pretty much right now. He sends you another text saying next week is great. He's available most of the week except Tuesday night. "I'd like to get to know you," he says.
Here's the great news: you've found yourself an evolved man. A man that actually speaks with conviction. A man that's not afraid to say what he feels. It sounds hot, doesn't it? It sounds real. The bad news is you've trained your brain not to trust. You've trained your brain not to believe something that seems too good to be true. He's coming on too strong. He's being too authentic; too real. So you get "busy" and you don't text him back. Do you know what happens then? The guy looks at you as very unemotionally evolved. He's an emotionally evolved man, and he doesn't really want to play games. He's met other women, but he finds you fascinating. He wants to get to know YOU, but he's beginning to have second thoughts.
You'd love to get to know him too, but you're too damn afraid. You'd rather not commit to something because you're scared of being hurt. You'd rather miss out on that connection and a shot at love, all to avoid the risk of disappointment. So you don't text him back, and instead you have the same boring weekend you always do, going from bar to bar with friends.
While having a glass of wine and talking about dating, you mention this amazing guy to your friends. You tell them how you met in Whole Foods and how amazing he is. Your friends tell you you're crazy for not texting him back. You left it, and now it's been 48 hours. Now you feel like an idiot.
The devastating truth is, if you just text him now, he'll probably still be interested in you. but you don't. You worry he won't still want to see you. Evolved men like this don't feel a spark very often and you're scared you've blown it. He thought there was something different about you. He felt you were unique and sexy. The beautiful, serendipitous moment you had, that could have led to the relationship you've always dreamed of was wasted. A real, evolved man, doesn't want to play games. A strong, confident, powerful man, won't wait around for a woman who doesn’t answer his calls and texts. Treat this man with the same respect and care that he treats you, and you can have a happier ending.
Don’t play games. Trust yourself. Go for what you want. You have to take chances in life, sspecially when you feel a strong connection with someone. I hope that you learned from this, and the next time a moment like this happens, you move forward fearlessly with an open heart and an open mind.
Checkout David's site for great dating advice for specifically tailored for women.
More dating advice on YourTango:
- How I Became An Online Dating Coach
- 8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
- Dating After Divorce: 3 Pitfalls To Avoid