This little story demonstrates the importance of honesty in the dating world.
Let’s face it, most of us text our way through life. You can let it frustrate you, or you can go with the flow.
I tend to go with the flow because it’s healthier to take things as they come. A few days ago I witnessed the power of an authentic text, and why it’s so important to be honest with people.
A friend of mine recently went out with a woman he thought was fantastic. They had a 5-hour date full of endless conversation. He was super attracted to her. They had a great night together, and at the end of the date he gave her a kiss goodnight, and things took a turn for the worse. He said, it was one of those weak kisses where she awkwardly moved her tongue slowly in his mouth.
I told him, “She probably likes you, but the kiss didn’t do it for her. She probably didn’t feel it and that’s why she wasn’t kissing you back with any passion.”
We all know the first kiss can be pretty awkward, so I always say never judge anyone on a first kiss. You don't know each other's kissing styles at all. You're both nervous. You don't know what to do. One person might kiss slow, the other fast. It's all part of getting to know each other. So I believe that when you're kissing, give somebody at least 2 to 3 times to get the kiss down right.
I remember one time I dated somebody and the kiss was terrible the first time. It was so awkward. She turned out to be the best kisser I've ever had.
So you need to give somebody that benefit of the doubt. I told him not to worry about it. Take her out again. So he texted her but she was never available when he was. So I told him, send her this text.
“I'm very open. When do we get together? It's rare that I feel great chemistry with somebody, especially for meeting them on Tinder. J .”
He sent it to her and he waited. A couple hours later, he got a text back. He sent me the text and it read something like this…
“Bill, I need to be 100% authentic with you. I loved our conversation. I really like you. But I don't feel that chemistry that I need. I'm open to a friendship if you are.”
He was all disappointed. He sent it with frowny faces. It's amazing how emoticons turn us all into 5-year-olds. Send a frowny face. God, have we digressed.
I said, “Bill, you met an authentic woman, it’s beautiful. She's real. She's open. She's honest, and she just didn't feel it. That's okay.”
I wish more people were like that. I wish more women were like that. I wish more men were that authentic instead of just not answering or vanishing into the sunset. Too many people just leave the other person hanging, so it drives the other person crazy, they start thinking about what they did wrong, what they could have done, what they should have done.
Most times when people don’t feel it, they don't have the courage to send you a beautiful text telling you so. They’re afraid of being uncomfortable.
Imagine if the world was 100% authentic. Imagine if we all sent each other those texts, and all of us could move forward without beating ourselves up. Even though Bill was upset, instead of thinking about her and wondering when he was going to get together again, now he can move on. Take this lesson. I don't care if it's via text or phone call or email. Be real and authentic. It's a beautiful thing.