Sex Advice: How Do I Avoid Being A One-Night Stand?

Recently a female client of mine asked me "David, how do you prevent a one-night stand?" This answer is not going to make a lot of you very happy. 

Anyone familiar with my work knows that I am not a person who generally believes in hard and fast rules when it comes to dating. There is no "right" time to have sex — regardless of whether you're on your first date or your tenth date with someone. There is also no way to prevent a one-night stand. 

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You may date somebody for a few weeks, get along with them, have sex, and then either you or your partner realize that you just don't have that chemistry in bed. Such a discovery turns a three week mini-relationship into a one-night stand.  Ordinarily the longer you wait to sleep with someone, the less chance there is that it will be a one-night stand. But, on occasion, you'll sleep with someone after waiting, and it still just doesn't work out.

I can hear the thoughts churning in your head. "But David, usually the first time you have sex with someone isn't that good ..." This is usually true, but it is also true that there is usually chemistry. Even if the sex is not mind-blowing, usually someone will want to do it again if the chemistry is there. But if the chemistry is not there, it may very well turn into a one-night stand.

Here's another thing. The more open a discussion and conversation there is after you have sex with somebody, the better you're going to feel about what just happened. You may rush into bed with somebody — and it may just be a one-night stand — but if you talk about it right after or the next day, then both of you are going to be acting like mature adults and realize that both of you were just in desperate need of sex. 

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A lot of woman have trouble having a one-night stand (as do a lot of men). If you end up having a one-night stand, embrace it. Don't guilt yourself about it, and be okay about it. Keep in mind, the reason why dating is so frustrating is that there are no guarantees in anything you do. So realize that if someone "one-night stands" you, it doesn't mean that you are not hot, sexy or amazing to be with ... it just means that you were a one-night stand.

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