Many people say all great couples argue, but are they right?
Have you ever been in a relationship, and no matter what you said, your partner always had a comeback? Even if you speak their language, even if you start the conversation with a compliment, and even if you look at them and say, "Hey, I love how you're doing this. Can we try this?" They still come back with an opinion! That isn't exactly effective communication.
You're dating Mr. or Ms. Opinionated. Their opinion is right. No matter what. There's something in their brain that needs to be right. My mind doesn't work that way. If someone comes at me and what they’re saying bothers me, I like to just listen, and listen good. I prefer not to say a word. I like to give them the floor. Allow them to vomit whatever needs to come out. A lot of times, I won't say anything back. I just take it all in. I want to hear and feel everything they need to let out.
I've been with people in relationships where I start to communicate, to talk, and they'll cut me off instantly. Immediately they'll say something because they have to be heard. In order to have a fantastic relationship and to not carry anger and resentment (the death of a relationship), you need to listen to your partner. You need time to process things, and not over react. When you process things, you'll be able to put yourself in their shoes and to see how they feel. You'll begin to have empathy and compassion for them. Instead of merely stating your views, you'll actually hear that person for the very first time.
The key to avoiding relationship conflict, the kind that causes permanent damage, is to listen to your partner. Take a time-out like you do with kids. Process what that person is saying. Take a day, take an hour, take 10 minutes; take a period of time.
When you're constantly reactin and throwing in your opinion, your relationship is based on ego. Your ego does not have empathy. Your ego does not understand. Your ego needs to give its opinion. Your ego is running for President of the relationship. Your ego wants to be the one in control.
Someone who refuses to listen, usually has control issues.They want and need things to be their way. If they would listen, they would be capable of empathy. I've met people like this in my life. For me, they're the most frustrating people in the world. No matter what you say to them, no matter how you communicate, no matter what language you use, they always have a comeback. They never really listen. They never feel you. They never truly care. For them, life is about who is right and who is wrong. And they are always right.
I've been in relationships like this. They usually don't last because to me, when I let out my feelings, I want to be heard. I'm sure you feel the same way. It takes a lot to really let out our feelings, and we want to feel safe in our relationships. When we feel safe, we're able to let out our true feelings and know we are being heard. If you're someone that's reactive, if you immediately give your opinion, you're not listening to your partner. You have no empathy for them. You don't really know how they feel.
A healthy relationship doesn't need to have battles. It needs you both to feel safe and to feel that you are being heard and are free to let out your emotions. That's a genuine connection.