Desire is a powerful and seductive adult word.
I talked about this before, but so many of us are dating like we’re four year olds.
When you go out with your friends, do you say, "We're going to try to meet men?"
How would a four year old say it?
A four year old 'tries' to do something because they don't have the life experience to realize everything in life is possible. When you're four years old, most things are a challenge. Even the simplest things can be a challenge, like leaving mom for a few hours or a new nanny comes in.
Sleeping at a Dad's house if they're used to being at Mom's. Everything is a big emotional challenge when you're a toddler.
So many women date like toddlers. You use the word 'try' when you're meeting men. The word 'try,' is a negative word—"I'll try"—think about it. Say it out loud right now. Go ahead, I don't care if you're at your office or in your cubical, head to the bathroom right now and look in the mirror. Look at the way your facial expression is when you say, "I'll try."
It's weak. You don't look sexy and radiant and beautiful. You look weak.
Now, think about when you start dating somebody.
What words do you use? "I want," "I need," right? Words that are toddler-like: I want, I need.
What does a toddler say to you when they want something? They don't say, "I desire a cup of water, Mommy."
A todder will look at you, and in that little, whiney voice say, "I want water."
"I need food."
"I want to watch TV."
"I need to go to the park."
They say it in a whiney voice.
So think about when you're speaking to your friends and you're talking about what you desire in a relationship, what do you say? "I need my man to be this."
"I want a man to be this."
"I need him to be loving."
"I want him to be successful."
You'll even write this on Internet dating profile: I need, I want. Think about what that says about you and the message it sends. Do you know what it says about you?
Frustrated. Because that's what a toddler is. Frustrated when they want to eat. Frustrated when they want to go to the park. Frustrated when they want to watch TV. Frustrated when they can't sleep with Mom and have to sleep with Dad.
When you say, "I need a man to do this." "I want a man to do that."
And he looks back at you, and he says, "I need a woman to do this. And I want a woman to do that."
What type of a relationship are you experiencing with that man? Right. A toddler relationship. A co-dependent relationship.
Co-dependency is when two people want and need something and they demand it from each other. If they don't have it, they're not going to be happy. They have an adult version of a temper tantrum. When they're frustrated with their partner, they look at them and say, "I told you how much I need and I want."
And the partner says, "I need and I want this too." You try to serve one another in that relationship, just like giant toddlers.
Do you see where I'm coming from, do you see where I'm going? Not only are you dating like a four-year-old, you're acting like a four-year-old in your relationship.
So, let's talk about what to do and how to change. What's a more powerful word to program into your brain? How about using the word, 'desire.'
I want you to stand in front of a mirror right now, and I want to tell yourself, 'I desire a man.'
'I desire a man, who's loving.'
'I desire a man, who is aware.'
'I desire a man, who is self-sufficient and successful.'
Look how much softer you are. How much more evolved you are when you say that.
Desire is great.
Imagine being able to talk to a potential partner and using the word, 'desire.' What if a man looks at you and says, 'I desire my woman to be evolved.'
'I desire my woman to be passionate.'
'I desire you to be somebody who wants to grow in a relationship.'
How does that make you feel inside, when someone uses the word, 'desire?'
Now, think about this; I need a woman to be passionate. I really need someone who's loving.
How does that feel when you read them both out loud? Using the word, desire, is evolved. Using the word, desire, is no longer whining and asking like a four-year-old.
Desire is an adult word. Desire is a powerful word. Desire is a seductive word. Start watching what you say, every single day, and realize how powerful a word change is and how different it's going to be when you attract somebody.
'Desire.' Use that word from this point forward and date like a grown-up.