So, Charlie Hunnam and Dakota Johnson have been unveiled as the stars of upcoming blockbuster 50 Shades of Grey. Whether you like the casting or not, one thing is certain: the moment the first tickets for the film go on sale, women around the world will be queuing 'round the movie theatre to guarantee their seats.
But what is it about the 50 Shades series, and the enigmatic Christian Grey that drives women so crazy?
For me it comes down to this: women are starving. You’re starving emotionally and sexually. You long for a man to claim you. You pine for a strong, dominant guy like Mr. Grey to passionately desire and pursue you. You lay awake fantasizing about a man who wants you so badly he can barely contain his urge to ravish your body.
Yet, modern men rarely do any of these things. If you’re out for drinks with friends, you’ll get a few drunken guys staggering over, throwing some stupid pickup line at you, and then trying to get your phone number before falling over. Men have forgotten about seduction. They’ve forgotten that for women, seduction and arousal starts in the mind. You need to be attracted with words and actions. You need to be aroused and seduced emotionally before you’ll give yourself to him physically.
The Christian Grey character knows how to seduce. And that’s one of the things women love about him. Every single woman reading 50 Shades of Grey imagines that Grey is seducing them personally. The other traits that makes Mr. Grey so desirable for women are his strength and confidence. He’s not the nicest guy in the world, but he knows what he wants, and he’s not afraid to tell Ana about it. Men have become passive. Men are scared to tell women what they want. They’re scared to throw you on the bed and ravish you.
So how can you turn a man into your very own Christian Grey?
Simple! You talk to him. Tell him what you want and need from the relationship. Tell him what turns you on. Show him how you like to be kissed. Show him how you want to be touched. When he’s doing something that feels good, let him know you’re enjoying it. If you’re with a passive man, give him some guidance. Take the lead for a while. Once he knows what you like, he’ll be more than happy to oblige. If you’re with a guy who remains passive, even after you’ve told him what you want, maybe it’s time to show him the door.
Women want to date real men. Not man-boys who need telling what to do all the time. I teach guys about this in all my coaching programs. I tell them not to be so passive, and I tell them to read romance novels so they understand seduction from a women’s perspective. Instead of them being jealous of the Grey character, they should learn from him. But similarly, you need to start communicating more. Don’t be afraid to tell him what you want. Remember, you’ll only have a happy, fulfilling, and passionate relationship if you communicate.
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